Friday, August 25, 2006
Dated : 25082006(Day 10)
(Day 11)
I didn't come up here yesterday cos i was in malaysia the whole day with my cousins, sisters and brother-in-law.
They went in for photo-shots and i took the chance to roam around for relaxation. Well, i never liked this place. The service sucks hell to the core and people here look at you at the way when you speak proper english to them. I don't mean to say that we are different but what really hate about is when they actually didn't care about whether you existed the 1st place. We had our lunch cums breakfast at a cafe, i have kebab chicken with rice set and i couldn't finish it because it's so awful. The only thing i like is cheese cake only and gosh.. they don't wanna even serve any ice-water.. After that, we just took off to shop while there are so much time. I got myself a T-shirt & a belt i always wanted but can't find loh. I paid about 35RM for mine and my brother-in-law at about 109RM for 2 jeans.
My younger sister had bought a watch for about 65RM, we spent the rest on food, carpark fees and some local food. We had spent half a day walking the whole building and the rest of the time is just at studio fooling around and i slept for about an hour at the couch alone.(ha.)
We waited for like til 9.30pm when eveything is so, so done.. finally kiss gd-bye to that place, what the hell.
We moved all the way to the ground floor, walked out of that sickening building and headed nearby stalls for our dinner. Along the way, there were people, some holding VCDs, unknown cigarettes, waving and stopping us to buy it. I wasn't too scared, my younger one was almost freaked-out when there was one guy who near touched her or something. She managed to run away.(ha)
We went to what i call the streets-stalls there, there was lot of food but only the BBQ chicken wings are the best. My cousin bought us the BIG-BOOBS BUNs(haha) what a name, thre's chicken and pork inside, not really nice too. I'm quite a fussy eater so you know, those are really my type too. For the drinks, we all had coconuts.. not nice also , somemore NOT cold can..hai.. If i know ar, i will go to a better place for dinner. But, anyway, it was rather late already so we gobble up what we have on hand and walked back to the building carpark. And it turn out to WE LOST OUR WAY to the car, we went to B1, then B2(it was in B2), then again B3.. I told them many times that the colour marking was in green and written J7 but my brother-in-law didn't listen. Fine, we walked and walked.. my cousins running to and fro looking around also.(haha, you shld look at the sight of my panicking cousins..)
Finally, finally.. we did found it loh, by then we are nearly half-dead.
Okay, we got to the car, dash out quickly to the malaysia customs, waited again for the checking then proceed to the next stop. My stupid brother-in-law thouught that the spore polices didn't wanna check our car but stopped when we screamed at him, i was halk panicking because i just remember i left some gums in my sister's bag..(oh no.) They totally serached my car and i was pissed because it was my car and i was angry because my brother-in-law was the cause of it.
Anyway, they le us off and he jammed the pedal like he wants to die faster. We were heading back to my office t get our cars, I thought i saw the guard staring at us, whatever.. HECK OFF. I was the 1st to zoom off the 1st thing leaving home, i was going to send 1 cousin to sembawang(The place i used to lived.)
However, i slowed down at mandai because there are risk of police stops there and i didn't wanna lose it.(he.)
When we reached, i saw my 2 aunties still up and said hellos. Patted 2 puppies doggies of my younger cousin, one named "tiger".(ROAR!)
The fact was, i was rushing home for the 10 o'clock korean show that was romantic and funny. I needed something to take my head off many stuffs and i realised that when sat and sun without my shows, i will be so,so moody. It's like having so much time on hand and you have no idea what to say or to do. And it's not about having a friend beside you will do good. Maybe i'm really so problematic. I have a friend today who asked me out for dinner but, until now i'm thinking to go or not, the mood isn't there. And i didn't wanna displease her, what was i thinking? I don't know seriously.
My favourite goldfish, big-head rachu died yesterday night when i came back and i was so sad. I laid on my bed after my bath and brood over it. Asked my brother to help me bury it because i didn't wanna cry seeing it go. It was the longest term gf i have kept all the while and the only best i have loved. Died and gone.
Maybe it's just a fish to you guys but, to me it's different. I'm even afraid to buy another fish, afraid that i can't take the pressure of losing more.
My loved ones left me one by one, you know how it feels?
(I will stop here for yesterday's update, be back again for today's update.)
Time : 1024pm.
Came home at about 9plus. Washed my car for the evening at about 8plus. Something went on today and i think my sister's going to have a big quarrel with my brother-in-law tonight.. Sometime i wish everyone will just co-operate with their own work and things will just be fine. I mean although this is the way i'm living now but, i hope to see things getting better as days passed. I'm sick of it.
A few more days until we can finally settle our company's stuffs, i'm glad but worried for the future proceeding. With the kinda reserved funds, it could be tough, could be more retrenchment, which i thought i will never get to see it again. I will continue this update when it comes.
10pm show had started, this show gets me a heartache when you see the guy getting upset. A sad story that started 3 years ago when he met an accident, a week after he stays in the hospital, the long-term girlfriend left him for overseas studies without a message. He wonders what happens and searchs for her at states.
Today's story, he had said:
"Why have you left without a word?"
"Was it because of my broken leg or was it that you had a new lover?" " WHY?"
"I search all over the schools of states but i can't find you."
"Because of you, I ate sleeping pills and i slept for a week." "But where were you?"
That part really crashes me apart and i really think that he deserved a good reason. Almost feeling all his pain and endless thoughts. A rich guy like him shouldn't be living in hell like that, maybe he really deserved a better person. Although, it's hard to say and want things to just happen. I hope the end of this show will make me happier. Of course, this is not a thing for me to get movitated, it's just a show. However, I'm still looking forward to have a dream like that fufilled, even if it's keeps getting me hurt. Yes, i'm sure i will still do it and i can't simply betray my conscience to hurt anybody again. Call me S.I.L.L.Y.
During my dinner-time, i saw this toy machine selling a kinda cute toy. My sister got herself one and i decided to get one too, a green one. My 1st thought was to grab it and mail it to her. My sister suggest that i should put one in my car and ask her to put it in her car too. I went quiet, keeping my thoughts. Who knows what will happen when she got it? What happen if she didn't get it? Then all is fated. Knowing that we would not be contacting, there's no way i could know. However, like i says, If she were to get it, she will. If she will to put it beside her, then she will. My concern is for her to have a stable time studying over there now. Whether how things grow, passes or go, may god be my planner.
I have not been talking much to anybody these days, looking at my brother yesterday alone, being quiet for long moment. I was guess if that's a sickness, then maybe that's the usual me. I never like talking much too anyway. I think i talk more here than anyone(ha), but my friend advised me to do that because it's a better way before i go nuts or something. A diary that i can access anywhere i'm, you know.
I didn't go anywhere today as i realised i got to check on my cashflow. Realised that this month i over-spent by going to pubs, on drinks, on friends, on bills, on loans to them and i'm almost broke. I had savings but, i didn't wanna touch it at all. Asked my sister for an advance but she didn't ask me why. But, ya i think she knows how it's takes to be dumped and i needed time-out and cash of course. I'm glad she understand that because i really really didn't expect nor wan things in that way. No worry, i will be okay by next month.
Tomorrow is a sat and it's also a working day. I'm not starting to complain but, when it's approaching sun, i will get stressed. Stressed about if i shld get my ass out for that bit of sunshine, get totally fresh air, get more friends, whatever. Maybe, i needed more time to keep myself moving on and on, i just dun know what i needed now.
Last words i wanna say :
I'm using my sister's computer and i started her com and again i saw the MSN and i saw her icon, it writes:
*Heaven By Your Side*
"When you're next to me i can see the greatest story love ever told"
I didn't intend all these, to see it too.
I did wonder, what these means or who she's refering to.
It's scary because i didn't want to know that she was refering to someone new to her.
It's scary because you didn't wanna know that the 1 and half years love had just faded and known goodbye.
I'm afraid..
I'm heart-broken at all times because i remember her touch and now or even in november i can't feel her stroking my head again.
Although through MSN is what i get to see what she feel and think.
I'm afraid to even open it up, that's why i stayed away from it.
I know she's left me, i have to accept it.
By staying put will not do any good, maybe i deserve it.
I'm sorry i didn't move on.
But still, you dun have to turn around at all for me, keep moving on and i will be here like i promised.
Remember the song by Nickelback? (I have already forgiven you, I did.)
I do not expect she will find her way here just to read all these.
I know it will only make her sad.
I hope she won't have a chance.
Now that she has another fresh chance to be happy and be able to choose again, no matter what it is, i pray she will get a better choice. Don't think of me anymore, put me away and focus on only studying.
What we been through is part of life, life's is always full of ups and downs.
Experience through it and always look infront for better opportunities.
Grab it and don't lose it again.
By the way, i hope she got my card already.
Whatever she's feeling now, i only hope she will not cry at all.
It's a birthday card and there should be only smile, no tears.
I don't hope she keep it, but at least if she receive it, i will be content.
Just content, that's all. :)
If you can hear me, "i miss you, so, so much." =_(
chr|s on 3:32 PM
