Saturday, August 19, 2006
Today is her 21th birthday. I stayed awake last night to count-down.
At exact 12pm, I sang quietly to myself a " Happy Birthday" song for her.
Yes, although she can't hear it but at least i have already wished her in my heart, that's all i needed.
He cousin and her friend must have prepared a great evening party for her. Or messages floodin in to wish her.. Whatever it is, i hope she will be smiling cos 21th is what she has been waiting for.
What people had said is 21yr is when you gets ur freedom, i hope she gets it.
To my doctor that i have been taking food before medication. "Porridge".
I sent a message to vivian last night reminding her to wish her. Hoping that her message will also bring forward my wish to her as well. At least i was thinking of the positive way.
I then got her reply only in the morning..
She has brought a message from her :
(Anything you say or how you think of me doesn't matter.
Time will prove everything. How i treat you, you should know.
Anyway, time's short dun think so much, who knows tomorrow i will die?)
Seriously, i dun quite understand why she said this or why vivian sent this over.
Neither did i asked vivian about it today. It's not because i dun wish to know but, like wat she had said, you will never know what's going to happen any day, any-time.
I was given another test by the one above again, whether what may happen will only be my resposibilities. Although i have a lot in mind always but, i do not wish to carry it all the time. Like what jo had said, i have a heavy heart all the time.
I told her, i wish i can be as free as others but sadly to say, i cannot. I cannot do things like what you people can do and i'm always unhappy about it.
I can differ between good & bad but, i can't tell you that i'm good. And at all times, i feel that i have a split personalities, if you really see properly.
I may have people jeering at me now for being silly because of my decision to finish my commitment for her.
I decide for my own life. I decide who's my good friends. I decide who i wanna stay with.
As you see now, i am in a swingy-mood. I even have reflect voice-comments coming from my mind now. Like i ask a Q's in silent, another me reply. Sick right? Actually i just think complex. Which is doubly more than normal people do.
Anyway, the time now is 0540pm. I slept at abt 0330am last night. I can tell you, i'm really so tired.
In fact, i have lot of books and i am a good reader.(Doctor!)I can read a few books in a day if i want. At time, i refused to. If i spend too much time on books, i dun feel like talking at all. Top of all, i like books on serial killers.(He.)
My mum says nowadays i spend more time on writing at the computer than talking to them. My sister had said this morning that "Why temper so bad"?
I'm sorry, i didn't do it on purpose. =_(
P/s: I hope you will have a wonderful day today. Whatever it is, although i'm not there.
I hope vivian's message has reached you because i had my wish sent forward.
Remember what i have said always: "You fall down, climb up yourself. Don't not take things ahead/infront for granted."
May god tells you how much i missed you.
Once again, "Happy happy birthday."
