Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Dated : 04102006-Are you tired of being the nice guy/girl while everyone else around you is being a jerk?
-Are you tired of being nice to people who aren't nice to you?
-Are you tired of being taken advantage of?
-Are there nice people you can't stand, but you don't have the guts to tell them to go away?
-Are there people you don't like and you just want to be rude just for the heck of it?
HOW TO BE MEAN GUIDE!
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Roll your eyes when someone talks to you.
That is disrespectful to them.
You want to convey that you don't want to listen to them.
Yawn constantly when someone is talking to you.
That tells them they are boring you.
Even Better: If you constantly yawn loudly.
Get up and leave during a conversation.
Again, that's disrespect that no one will like.
Tell them they are boring you and be very nasty about it.
Be preoccupied with other things while someone is talking to you.
After someone has finished talking, say "what did you say?"
Repeat as many times as necessary, they'll soon get the hint.
If they complain about your being rude, then say "I know you are, but what am I?"
It will make them angry and after awhile they won't have a comeback.
Talk on your cell phone while someone is talking to you.
In fact, take out your cell phone and start calling someone while the other person is talking to you.
Answer your cell phone when it rings and talk loudly (if possible), tell the person on your cell phone that you're not talking to anyone important, but you can talk to them.
That will really make someone mad at you.
Tell someone to jump off a cliff.
They will never talk to you again.
Throw a "negative compliment" at someone.
Say "I love your style, you have the street walker look going on," or "I like your outfit.
You seem to have the 'I'm-a-bum' look going.
Very nice."
That will make them angry.
NOTE: You'll also elicit a response, so just make sure you're prepared for the aftermath.
Interrupt them every chance you get.
Make it so they don't have a chance to get involved in the conversation.
Be a conversation hog.
Insult them.
Use words like stupid, idiot, moron, low-life, simpleton, etc.
Even Better: If you can use them all in one sentence.
Use phrases like "I bet your parents must be proud (sarcastically),"
"You are the low-life of society,"
"I pity the fool who procreated you," etc.
NOTE: Just be prepared for any response these comments might bring you.
Disrespect their parents, kids, or spouse.
NOTE: Don't be surprised if you get punched for it.
Insult whatever they take pride in.
If they think they are good at fishing, tell them they're not.
If they're proud of their education, tell them they should ask for their money back because they didn't learn anything.
You get the picure.
HOW TO LOSE A DATE: WOMAN GUIDE!
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Tell her you jumped at the chance to go out with her because you've never dated someone "beneath" you before.
Tell her you saw someone on TV who looked just like her, and her name was Miss Piggy.
Ask her if she's a stripper.
If she doesn't get mad, but asks why, tell her because you went to a strip joint last week and saw someone who looked like her.
Even Better: If you insist she's the stripper you saw at the strip joint.
Talk to her condescendingly and make over-generalized comments about women.
Keep asking her if she wants to go to a strip club on your next date.
Even Better: Insist that she goes or there won't be a next date.
Tell her you're happy to go out with her because you're tired of dating pretty women.
Start talking on your cell phone for several minutes at a time and constantly make phone calls.
Interrupt her a lot.
Even Better: Interrupt her to tell her how lucky she is to go out with you.
Make phone calls to your friends and tell them how you wish you were hanging with them right now.
Always find a way to steer the conversation back to you. All you want to talk about is you, you, you.
Make her think you're self-abosorbed.
Tell her you're looking for a woman who will cook, clean and pick up after you.
Plus, work full-time and take care of the kids' every need.
Then, proceed to ask her if she can cook.
Tell her you're a mamma's boy.
Tell her you still live at home and have no plans of moving out.
Tell her you "love" her and ask her if she feels the same.
Saying "I love you" on a first date will send them running.
Dig in your nose, fart, and burp a lot. Women don't like disgusting pigs.
Tell her you didn't have anything better to do, so you decided to go out with her.
It tells her that she's not first on your list of important things.
Tell her you like women who pay for their own food and drink. Even Better: Tell her you like women who can pay for your food and drink.
Tell her she looks fat.
Even Better: Tell her you like a woman with a little pouch, then proceed to grab her stomach. NOTE: You might get punched in the process.
Talk about your ex a lot.
Tell her how good your ex treated you and how you'll never find anyone else like her.
Even Better: Tell her she'll never measure up to your ex girlfriend.
Ask her what she does for a living, then proceed to insult the profession.
For example, if she says she's a poet, tell her most poets are boring and will never succeed in life.
If she says she's a writer, tell her most writers you know are low-lives who live in their parent's basement.
Stare at her chest and say, "Whoa, what an ironing board!"
chr|s on 1:33 PM
