Saturday, November 25, 2006
Dated : 25112006Time : 0652pm
Today isn't a good day to start with.
I had issues with almost everyone in fact.
Even gf since yesterday evening with a sensitive topic.
It was then i realised tat she had never been like that before.
It must have been a close and also sensitive issue that i had never find myself to commit.
After a long thoughts, i finalized it was really my fault.
I should be the one initiating all kinda actions 1st even if noone in life had taught me how to.
She said tat the issue had affect her and she din like it.
Because if it did, means she must felt a lot for me.
I tried explaining why i said my part yesterday but i still think tat although she had let things be, it's still affecting her.
While others's doing well in r/s, i always find it hard becos there were things i hadn't seen or try yet.
But it really didn't mean tat i refused to learn although i'm old enough now.
I really need some understandings.
OKAY, the issue was "why i did feel weird holding a girl's hands?"
Right.
Slap me, yeah.
This girl amazed me at all times.
She always wants us to enjoy current life as a couple.
Ignoring what others's crapping, she holds my hands in the train.
Taking me to places i never been to.(I'm such a potato.)
Snatched my pop-corns away while in the movies.(she thinks it's too sweet for me.)
Kept my wallet away yesterday because she wants to treat.
AND etc..
I'm totally bluffered.
The day before Yellow had a heart to heart talk with jo.
This time she was urging her to remain by her side.
Accepting the fact tat she was with me and even wanted them to have a under-ground r/s.
Tat she will be there for her when i can't afford the time.
Tat she will allow her to do everything tat jo wants.
Tat she allow her finally to take the bike lessons.
Anything, only if jo returns to her.
Today, she went to NUS to look for jo.
Broke down and cried again.
And the same old issue.
Jo called me then.
I could also felt her tears because she's feeling terrible.
As much as jo didn't know how to deal with yellow, i didn't know how to as well.
I visualize myself running on my own tracks.
But i'm so tired.
It took us 05 long years, i don't wanna do tat.
I felt silly because she needed me more than jus stupid acts.
Then jo called again and said she's leaving to find Yellow because she's walking under the rain.
I said "okay" and hang up.
Switched off my phone and told my sister tat i wanna go home early.
It was raining heavily too and i felt how yellow is feeling.
But what's my stand?
Why should i be feeling in her shoes?
I think i'm kinda struck in a mud-pit.
Being not able to say what i feel is already a bad thing.
Somehow, i felt sad for myself even more.
Hah, i think i'm such a joke.
But if it's making her so upset and crying.
What can i do?
What should i do?
Can someone teach me?
Life's like a book.
Every new chapter is a brand new start yet i happen to see tat torn page in my book.
But, why me?
chr|s on 6:51 PM
