Monday, March 19, 2007
Dated : 19032006(Monday)THOUGHTS FOR TODAY :
What happens if your someone close to you had some over-left guilt bottled inside and you couldn't help?
[Shall not spell it out.]
I realised that most people will make a big fuss, ending that they hafta always hides something they couldn't say.
When they says: you should talk things out and learn to handle things like adults..
I feel that it's not so true.
Adults who never grow up can't handle anything well too.
In anyway, there'a never anyone who can tell you what's right and wrong because this is your life not their's.
I used to advise alot on my friends but none would take up any advises.
Today, when i look at them, they are as rotten as ever.
I don't mean to look in that way, neither do i look down on people.
I just couldn't and never did understand why they are in such bad shape.
I'm sorry to have say this, you are wasting your life.
Back to my issue.
I was like a withdrawn-shadow all the time until someone taught me speak up.
I think i have a problem, i cannot speak what i want.
[Learning to speak up isn't a problem, it's whether if feelings and words are true.]
I know very well that i cannot make others think what i feel.
Each time when i open my mouth and speak, those words disappeared.
I had to write it down to express.
Lots to feel cos i am having an especially unlucky month.
I had issues with almost everyone and i had to stop being so bad-tempered.
I asked myself if i'm beginning to be long-winded, i think i am.
So if you had a choice to show you care, i think you should.
Although i applied it to wrongly everytime, i know i cares silently.
People thinks i'm heartless but i know i ain't.
I'm claiming a low income and i know i'm like a seedling that would always stays small under my parents's arms.
For personal reasons that i could not defy, i hafta stay.
I needed more time.
I hope god be kinder to me, i'm too weak.
I cried, i pity myself as a child who cannot remember much of my childhood.
Pitied the way i was raised.
Pitied the way i had in life.
Pitied that i had to be always taking the initiative in eveything.
Although i grew stronger in each process, it' a lonely, cold feeling.
I look forward to a future for now.
Something that would evetually change my entire life.
Then again, i feel that i should slow down a little.
Too many things that will probably come ahead soon.
It's better to focus on career first for now.
I need to figure out my next step before i'm too bloody old.\
My gf is now napping after a trip to nus.
Tons of sweet dreams.
[Though i know you are very blessed, i wish you will be always that blessed.
Although you had indirectly brought luck into my dirt-shit life, i will rather not take it at all.
If you wish to know, this is how much i love you.]
chr|s on 12:29 PM
