Thursday, August 14, 2008
14 august 2008 - :( cloudy daySINNER
A heavy heart stamped painfully this day for me.
I have forced a friend of mine to turn herself in.
With a iron, steel made heart, demanding voice so terrifying that i couldn't recognise myself.
Whether right or wrong, good or bad.
It is something that must be done in the way my head was mapping.
It was never something that i intended.
I could have blame myself because there are thousands & millions ways i can do something to prevent things from changing, but i didn't.
I truly had enough of all these unnecessary pop-ups occuring in my life everynow & then.
Cases like loan-sharks, grandma, daddy, mummy's complaining are rattling like mad sometimes.
I had enough, simply enough.
The everytime call was always troubles, problems, loans, naive baby-whining & stuffs.
A famous good-for-nothing at the age of 27 already..
Has no cash, no house, no education, not to say an ounce of sensibility.
Her family members has long forgotten her, pushing her to my responsibility once upon a time.
To think that i, chris ang have such a person for a friend for the last 15 yrs.
It hard to imagine that i will even acknowledge such a person, helping her all the time with no expectations.
I think i'm super highly-tolerant.
What a sour joke.
I have worked hard enough in my life to visualise my future ahead, manage to control myself from spending too much and still planning far.
I really deserve what i get.
The joke, is this person has never ever work hard and always had her ways to do/get what she wants.
(My OB leaturer just said yesterday : When you gossips about others, you are in a way implying that you are probably jealous of that person.)
Wait, I would like to clear this up..
I'm not jealous of her being able to always hit and ran away with things, alright?
The books may have scienific proofs that it make sense but, this was a purely, different case.
I do not lack of things she is constantly searching hard for, i work for what i want.
I do not disobey nor yell at my parents nor relatives as and when i feel like it.
I do not spend uneccesary $ just because i wanna favour somebody.
I never do hit my girlfriend/s and there is no need for violence.
I never will curse my own mother just because she was divorced and had a new guy.
(THERE ARE COUNTLESS THINGS TO WRITE IN FACT.)
Never would anyone or any friend knows better than i do about her.
I am not proud about it, sad to say that.
Good friends aren't like that.
To be frank, i had everything that i wanted in life, but only a pal that i could rely on.
But still, i am easily contented.
Basically, i shouldn't have to be the least bothered about such things, right?
Many asked, why are you still tagging her along, it isn't right.
I know and i have asked myself millions of times, WHY WHY WHY?
I really have no idea.
Every single day, i frowned.
My work, my problematic dad, clients, my modules, .. endless things.
I am an over-capacity bottle, i'm already cracking up.
Why dun pple just leave me alone?
I had a bad childhood but that dun make me a terror when i grow up.
Instead i grew up stronger each day.
I realise what i did today was a painful stab that bleds alot.
But, i never shed a single tear because i had no more sympathy for this pal anymore.
Her gf was the one who suffer.
Til the very end, she was still searching for help just to help her out.
Anyway, a lesson to be learned.
No one can ran away from their own fate.
It's a matter of time when or where you are caught up.
Am i the one who changed her life by doing all these?
I wouldn't wanna predict anymore, it's making me scared.
You get what you are supposed to get, that's reality.
Let's just pray that she will change for good.
"Forgive those who sinned, who will change eventually."
To those who are creating problems to others, we are also a victim of stress.
Your stress are entirely caused unnecessary by yourselves without you knowing.
For us, we need strong bond of any friendships or any kinships.
A shoulder we can rely on to sometimes.
It is never fair if you only take what you think you want and nothing for others, that's absurd.
There will be a day or time whereby others will start to walk away from you and your dirty business.
And you will cry helpless but no one will stretch their hands at you.
And when you realise that everyting is so so wrong, it will be too late.
Don't wait til that day comes, it's never too late to turn back.
The route may be long to walk back, it's the efforts you shown to change your life.
I have found happiness through hard efforts and i know there are people who want to change.
It's always never too late for anything.
