Thursday, November 30, 2006

Dated : 30112006
Time : 1059pm

Straining my head over and over again.
I seriously cannot understand why it's so difficult to properly plan for an overseas outing.
Orignally wanted 30/11 - 03/12.
Can't make it because my grandmother's 1 yr death anniversary is on the 2nd.
I was already disappoint because no one can't actually rems that, even my mother.
Then i was thinking to change dates to jan 2007 but my sister didn't want to cos her bf can't go.
I hate it because she was pulling long ugly faces for days and it wasn't even my fault to start with.
Mum always says, before you wanna do something, always think and look far ahead.
Now i get the note.
Anyway, we had made the amendment today and changed it to the 05/01 - 09/01.
Actually, everything will be jus fine if i hadn't ask her along.
Being twice bad-tempered and wildful, she was demanding to go even if that day falls on the anniversary.
I was seriously have no idea how could someone act like that.
Not as though grandmother have been dead for a decade, you know.
It's broke my heart hearing that.

Well, as u could see now, i have another voice inside this blog of mine.
That's my old and brand new gf for now.
We started out last month 03th and may things be better.
I have decided tat this will not be a lonely blog afterall.
If i trust and need her in my life now, she will be in my blog and entries.
She will be a little talkative but it will over-come the quieter me.(ha.)
Means this will be a brighter and happier blog.

:)I have been smiling everyday because she had never failed to bright things up.
She never failed to remind me tat she loved me.
She wrote for me in this blog and although i still felt guilty through those happy entries.
At times when i told myself again and again i dun deserved it, she had those words to settle me down.
The current her is having examinations and i hope she won't get too stressed.
We had close chats yesterday and i heard and i listen to all.
There was times i dun answer don't mean a negative answer.
This time i have to flip, look through properly and decide firmly.
I never wanna see those eyes with any tears again.
Although it's far too early to confirm anything but i just wanna feel this way for as long as we could.
Importantly, it a blessing to be like tat.
I love you, i truly do.

im here again. heh. since i havent started on my dumb introduction to e-commerce revision, i shall blog a little for you. am a little tired after u dropped me at my place. i bet u must be tired too.

last night's chat was good. i enjoyed myself for the entire day. instrumental analysis 1 paper at 9am. came home to nap and had milk for lunch (very poor thing hor) and then went over to BBDC to enrol for my class 2b and met u and stef for dinner. met up w mama at bugis and went over to ur place.

a lovely day like this, wat else can i ask for? all i ask for is to end the day with you, sleeping by each other's side. the messy u coated w lotsa white paint was so funny and cute. :D

well, some photos to add some life into the blog.



my dumb mama who wanted to show off her sushi.



mama and i. she wanted u to see how happy i am w her. haha.



and my class 2b bike enrollment package. YAY. u can sit on my pink or white scooter very very soon! yay.

so for dates on sundays in the mth of december, ah jo will plan cos she has sch holidays. and when sch reopens, we alternate it ah. heh.

and rem what u promised me last night. cos if there is another time u are gg to walk away, i dont think i can come back anymore. stay w me and everything will fall in place nicely for us.

and thank you for those numbers written on the ceiling last night. though i always say i cant be bothered, it pacified me a little somehow.

3 wishes to be granted by my genie.

1. have a happy thai trip (pending)
2. drawer for myself at block XXX yishun #XX-XXX room 2 level 2. haha.
3. my genie to be happy and healthy. (half way there for the healthy part. heh.)

1.5 wish granted. see how i like things always ending up good.

oh i changed the "our 05 yrs old story: phom and chan" to "our 06 yrs old story: phom and chan" i seriously cant believe we knew each other for 6 years. to me, those memories of ours are still tt vivid. the pasir ris beach night, ur 21st bday, coffee at woodlands coffeeshop etc etc.

i love the silly one who is reading this post right now.

with lotsa love,

jo.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Dated : 29112006

Dated : 29112006
Time : 0105pm
Check this out.
Heh.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

weiwei!

heh. i was bored doing my super boring cm3241 instrumental analysis (call me the future greatest and prettiest chemist now!) revision so i decided to relax a little and do up ur blog for you. i like this skin and i hope u like it too. :)

i wanted to do up a counter to:

• countdown when xchris is coming back from aust.
• our anniversary.
• and 1 yr time frame for u to get familiar with the sg routes.

well, i cant figure out where to paste the html codes. wait till exams end first and i will do it up for you.

for now, paint ur room well and i will be studying obediently in sch and wait for u to fetch me home. :)

Honestly, could it be you and me
Like it was before
Neither less or more
Cuz when I close my eyes
At night I realize that no one else
Could ever take your place

Because Of You - 98 Degrees

Monday, November 27, 2006

Dated : 27112006

Dated :27112006
Time : 0457pm

Artist: Mandy Moore.
Song: I Wanna Be With You.

I try but I cant seem to get myself
To think of anything
But you
Your breath on my face
Your warm gentle kiss I taste the truth
I taste the truth.

We know what I came here for
So I won`t ask for more..

I wanna be with you~
If only for a night
To be the one whose in your arms
Who holds you tight
I wanna be with you~
There`s nothing more to say
There`s nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you (yeah)~

So I`ll hold you tonight.
Like I would if you were mine.
To hold forever more
And I`ll saver each touch that I wanted
So much to feel before (to feel before~)
How beautiful it is..
Just to be like this..

I wanna be with you~
If only for a night
To be the one whose in your arms
Who holds you tight
I wanna be with you..
There`s nothing more to say
There`s nothing else I want more than to feel this way
(I wanna be)I wanna be with you..

Oh baby..
I can`t fight this feeling anymore
It drives me crazy when I try to
So call my name..
Take my hand
Make my wish
Baby, your command?

Yeahhh..
I wanna be with you~
There`s nothing more to say..
There`s nothing else I want more than to feel this way.
(I wanna be)I wanna be with you (I wanna be with you)
I wanna be with you..
Wanna be with you (Yeahhh)
(I wanna be with you)I wanna be..
I wanna be with you..
(I wanna be)
(i wanna be)
(I wanna be with you) Yeahh
(I wanna be with you)
I wanna be, I wanna be baby
I wanna be..
(I wanna be with you)
I wanna be with you yeah
I wanna be with you..
I wanna be with you..

The magic in this song had never seems to fade.
May it takes up to 10 years.
I found myself tracing back to a day sitting on the train to my destination listening to this song again and again..
Smiling silly and wish tat i will reach there ASAP.
That's all i remember for it happened last 05 years ago.
I'm forgetful i admit but i remember how it felt, all of it.
Although things are a little different now, memories remains. :)

OMG. I DIDNT REALISE IM SUCH A PHOTO FREAK.

to dearest gf,

actually all i wanted to do is to upload some of my nicer photos and sort them out for your viewing pleasure. then as i looked thru my photobuckets to search for some of my all-time-favourite photos, i realised i cant stop. haha. i like alllllllllllll the photos!

okay, i think this is really quite enough. if not i think ur blog will load very slowly.

anyway since my chemistry paper is over today, i have some spare time to do up a little post for you. the photos are part of it.

firstly, thank you for the understanding that you have hidden and shown over these past months.

secondly, thank you for making the effort to make every single thing work for us. as might as there are alot of things tt i/you/us dunno, we make the effort to learn, i guess that is what it really matters most right?

thirdly, thank you for sacrificing the time to talk to me late at night and constantly reminding that im loved at all times. and esp meeting me at 11pm to ensure that i have my dinner after work and making the effort to send me home all times no matter how weary you are.

forthly, thank you for the movie slides tt u have made for me. the love seeds too. and the feet cream. the hang ten top.

fifthly, thank you for the memories and the memories-to-come esp the thai trip.

sixthly, thank you for granting me 3 wishes per mth. thank you for being my genie.

seventhly, thank you for accepting me for who i am.

eighthly, thank you for considering to ride on my white OR pink scooter.

ninthly, thank you for showing me all sides of you. the timid u during a ghost show, the mischievous u while im doing revision. the fierce and bad tempered u when u are caught in a traffic jam. the patient u while waiting for me when i end work. the anxious u when i dont reply ur msgs. the sad u when we aruged 3 days back. the loving u when we walk the beach. the warm and friendly u when u are with ur family members. the protective and worried u when u realised i was caught in the rain. the caring u when i was sick.

tenthly, thank you for holding my hands at all times esp when u are driving. it goes to show how much u care and love me.

thank you. :)

I try but I can't seem to get myself to think of anything but you
Your breath on my face your warm, gentle kiss
I taste the truth, I taste the truth
We know what I came here for
So I won't ask for more

I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the on who's in your arms to hold you tight
I wanna be with you
There's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you
So I'll hold you tonight like I would if you were mine to hold forevermore
And I'll savor each touch that I've wanted so much to feel before, to feel before
How beautiful it is
Just to be like this

I Wanna Be With You - Mandy Moore

the song that u dedicated to me 5-6 years ago. i wondered if u still rememebered it. :)

Dated : 27112006

The silly one sent me an email.(As below)
JO : Things tt we have done before will be bolded. =)

50 Steps to an Awesome Relationship
1. Don't just love each other, like each other too.
2. Tell her/him why you love her/him often.
3. Be affectionate to her/him.
4. Say I love you to each other, at least once in every 24 hour period.
5. Tell your lover you are their love Genie and you will grant him/her three wishes.
Things get quite interesting.
6. Make memories together.
7. Never forget that the simple things in life make life worth living.
8. The most cherished gifts are the ones that come from the heart, not the wallet. make gifts for her/him.
9. Have a night that is worth $1,000,000 dollars, but on a $10 dollar budget.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Instead of going out on a date, plan an evening at home, turn off the lights, burn scented
candles, watch the sunset, then take a long walk to gaze at the stars.
12. Never, ever forget holidays! (The ones that the two of you make up too)
13. Do everything to make him/her happy.
14. Don't evaluate or criticize your partner.
15. Defend and respect your partner.
16. Be there for the good and the bad times.
17. Find a nice secluded spot that is only yours and take her/him there every month.
18. Call from your vacation spot just to say Hi.
19. Always ask her/him how the day was. and listen!
20. Too much of a good thing can be bad.
21. Travel more than 1 hour out of town together.
22. Dance in the rain. (Even in your best outfit)
23. Watch the sunset together.
24. Have a candlelight dinner for two at least once a year.
25. Flirt in public. (Yes, that means holding hands)
26. Cook for each other.
27. Whisper sweet nothings.
28. Always close your eyes. Staring is rude.
29. Share your deep dark secrets with each other. (Not all)
30. Laugh together.
31. When you say I'm sorry, look at her/him in the eyes.
32. Don't let little mistakes become big mistakes.
33. Do anything to impress her/him.
34. Go for a drive together just to get lost.
35. Make love.
36. Make sacrifices for each other.
37. ALWAYS be honest with each other.
38. Give each other pet names.
39. Tell her/him your fantasies.
40. Tell her/him what you like and don't like.
41. Write a story about how you two met and fell in love and give it to her/him.
42. Hugs are the best medicines.
43. NEVER EVER cheat on her/him.
44. Play silly games.
45. Find out what's special to her/him and do it.
46. Spend all night thinking of 50 sweet things to do for her/him.
47. Always have a notepad and pen or some stationary with you wherever you are.
This way when you're waiting in line you can write them a quick love note.
48. During weeks when you feel you haven't had enough time with each other, send a bouquet of flowers or other gift to their work, home or school.
49. When you look into they eyes, tell her/him how you feel deep down and gently kiss their cheek.
50. Put a note in her purse telling her to meet you somewhere for lunch.

Out of mischief, i dropped her a message:
Chris : "Oh, i'm ur genie today and i can grant you 03 wishes.
(That don't mean i will grant it.)
Jo : *cheeky*
1st wish : That our thai trip will be a happy one.
2nd wish : That i will soon have a drawer to myself.(At my place.)
Last wish: That my genie will be healthy and happy. :)
I could only smile.
Then she become nasty becos she also requested to have wishes every 03 MONTHS LOH.!?

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Dated : 25112006
Time : 1225pm

She came suprisingly and said she was at my block.
Antonished, i could not but to ask her to come my place.
Knowing tat she had been under the rain with her difficult ex., i could not bring myself to hurt her at all.
She smiled and i thought it was so brave of her.
What she could not see is, the tears i been swallowing down.
Cos i felt all her despairs, difficult situation and last, the guilt she had to swallow down.
"I know, i know".. was, back of my head.

By the time she reached my place, she was totally dried up.(From the rain.)
Her clothes and her throat.
She said she was with Yellow, talking and explaining situations.
I believed.
Gave her a hug cos she really needed one.
Looked away so many times cos i didn't want to break down and make things harder.
Throughout the entire conversation in my place, we only smiled and laughed.
I know we aren't being honest about our true feelings but what could be done?

I dressed up and we had dinner together.
I was a little anxious to sent her home for shower becos i didn't wan her fallin' sick.
That was the last thing i ever wanna see.
Her exams are getting closer like next monday.
I decided to leave things until exams are over or better not to stir it at all?
Confusions.
Bad pain at the back of my head.
I'm not able to sleep at all.

Yellow had said, "where's chris in this 05 years of ur life?"
Like a slap on my cheek, i'd to admit she was darn right.
I felt i dun deserve anything, really.
Why hang me at ur neck for so long while i was changing gfs like no one's business in these 05 yrs?
Why are you so silly?
Why smile at me when you are not feeling good at all?

I sat in the car at my place, alone.
Saw her messages but didn't know what to reply.
Broke down in the car.
Couldn't find a reason nor answers to solve her problems.
No one could give me an answer too.
I'm sorry i couldn't help.
I could only, only listen.
Guide me cos i really don't know how to.
Don't apologise at all.
I should be the one.
"I'm sorry."

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Dated : 25112006
Time : 0652pm

Today isn't a good day to start with.
I had issues with almost everyone in fact.
Even gf since yesterday evening with a sensitive topic.
It was then i realised tat she had never been like that before.
It must have been a close and also sensitive issue that i had never find myself to commit.
After a long thoughts, i finalized it was really my fault.
I should be the one initiating all kinda actions 1st even if noone in life had taught me how to.
She said tat the issue had affect her and she din like it.
Because if it did, means she must felt a lot for me.
I tried explaining why i said my part yesterday but i still think tat although she had let things be, it's still affecting her.
While others's doing well in r/s, i always find it hard becos there were things i hadn't seen or try yet.
But it really didn't mean tat i refused to learn although i'm old enough now.
I really need some understandings.
OKAY, the issue was "why i did feel weird holding a girl's hands?"
Right.
Slap me, yeah.

This girl amazed me at all times.
She always wants us to enjoy current life as a couple.
Ignoring what others's crapping, she holds my hands in the train.
Taking me to places i never been to.(I'm such a potato.)
Snatched my pop-corns away while in the movies.(she thinks it's too sweet for me.)
Kept my wallet away yesterday because she wants to treat.
AND etc..
I'm totally bluffered.

The day before Yellow had a heart to heart talk with jo.
This time she was urging her to remain by her side.
Accepting the fact tat she was with me and even wanted them to have a under-ground r/s.
Tat she will be there for her when i can't afford the time.
Tat she will allow her to do everything tat jo wants.
Tat she allow her finally to take the bike lessons.
Anything, only if jo returns to her.

Today, she went to NUS to look for jo.
Broke down and cried again.
And the same old issue.
Jo called me then.
I could also felt her tears because she's feeling terrible.
As much as jo didn't know how to deal with yellow, i didn't know how to as well.
I visualize myself running on my own tracks.
But i'm so tired.
It took us 05 long years, i don't wanna do tat.
I felt silly because she needed me more than jus stupid acts.
Then jo called again and said she's leaving to find Yellow because she's walking under the rain.
I said "okay" and hang up.
Switched off my phone and told my sister tat i wanna go home early.
It was raining heavily too and i felt how yellow is feeling.
But what's my stand?
Why should i be feeling in her shoes?
I think i'm kinda struck in a mud-pit.
Being not able to say what i feel is already a bad thing.
Somehow, i felt sad for myself even more.
Hah, i think i'm such a joke.

But if it's making her so upset and crying.
What can i do?
What should i do?
Can someone teach me?
Life's like a book.
Every new chapter is a brand new start yet i happen to see tat torn page in my book.
But, why me?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Dated : 231120063
Time : 0326pm

Dated : 23112006

Something from 05 yrs ago. :)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Dated: 22112006
Time : 0848pm

Today:
Yellow came and passed her a card while she was doing revision.
She cried while reading through the contents..
I felt helpless.
Wish i could do something so she won't felt so bad and upset.
Wish there wasn't such a problem at all.

Someone close to yellow had said their relationship was like a :
"Distaughted mother guiding a rebellious child tat has changed."
I couldn't understand why tat particular person said tat becos the jo i have known was instead "a patient young child with a big-heart all the times from my memories."
Something must have triggered jo to end this long chapter.
I didn't wanna comment or be to unfair towards both of them so i've always kept quiet.
There's always a reason for something to happen.
Yet, there's also a valid reason for each happening, ain't it?
It's how pple around view and justify.

There are traces of Yellow's calls and sms's and tears in between.
Call me nuts but i sympathy her totally.
YES, I felt her emptiness, pain and regrets.
BUT,
Who would have sympathy jo?
Who would have felt her struggles through the past and the present relationship?
Who would hold a big heart like her when the another line's yelling and demanding a reason for everything?
We hold a well-coloured picture with another torn picture lying on top.
I saw and felt jo's suffocating images and efforts of brightening our pictures.
All she said is to wait.
Wait until for the past to fade..
I had to trust her.
Trust her to bring herself up and face me one fine day.

Now with her maturity, i believe tat we could create a new start.
My sundays are never boring and wasteless because i always have new, fresh views.
Everything seems different, like a new approach, a brand new start.
My work.
My political family line.
My friends.
My health.
My love.
Take my hands and walk with me.
Stay with me and breath the air i breath.
I will be your strength if you ever fall.
I will keep you warm if you ever felt cold.
Together we can fill up the empty 05 yrs gap step by step.
May life be only tat simple.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Dated: 21112006.
Time : 0357pm

It's has been a warm afternoon. (Actually, BLOODY hot!
(Hah, cos today my sister and I was the earliest to the office.)
I told myself tat i'm going to stick my ass on the chair and enjoy the cooling air-con.
Then my mum hafta spoil it and plead me to buy a packet of rice for the afternoon prayers.
(wah lau~)

Fine, i can live without air-con inside the car. (hmmp.)

It's funny cos approaching only 0230pm, i was already feeling hungry.
So, I told the whole wide world i'm going out.
Today only like TAXI UNCLE driving around can.

Well, there's something else i wanna show too.

The "mind cafe" on a sunday. :)

Taken on : 19/11/2006. Sunday

Monday, November 20, 2006

Music Artist: Nick Lachey I Can't Hate You Anymore Lyrics

An empty room can be so deafening,
The silence makes you wanna scream,
It drives you crazy.
I chased away the shadows of your name,
And burned the picture in a frame,
But it couldn't save me.

And how could we quit something we never even tried,
Well you still can't tell me why.

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what your looking for.
But no matter how I try,
I can't hate you anymore.
...I can't hate you anymore.

Your not the person who you used to be,
The one I want who wanted me,
And that's a shame but,
There's only so many tears that you can cry.
Before it drains the light right from your eyes,
And I can't go on that way.
And so I'm letting of everything we were,
It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what your looking for.
But no matter how I try,
I can't hate you anymore.

Sometimes you hold so tight,
It slips right through your hands.
Will I ever understand?

We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what your looking for.
But no matter how I try,
I can't hate you anymore.

To : Melissa

Before i ended my folly of believing in fairy-tales at this point of my life.

Mel, if you are listening to tis song, feel what this man's feeling, listening to him express.

Today, I just wanna say my last part now.

I'd never hate you for making your decision.

I know what happen to you in aust.

I wished with all my best tat i will never hear anything at all during these times.

You have completely failed me, destroyed me.

Risking your love on someone else and deleted my life.

I should have spat at you and never turned back.

Well..

Alhough i never would had those eyes of yours looking at all the pain i have been living through all the entire process, i've finalized tat being loving someone shouldn't be cruel at all.

If i had loved you all along, how can i hate you?

You have already made a choice so, don't ever look back.

And the only things all i could only do now is to save our memories.

I have already done what i could to be a better gf, always trying hard to suit your life but it never, never seems to ever work out from the beginning.

I have no regrets because i have been trying, at least i stil try now and in the future.

I may have been foolish saying "I'll wait", somehow i still laugh at myself for being naive.

I thought there will be room for us in future, tat i will have all the time in the world to wait.

I thought my big-hearted thinkings and love will mend all the damages.

I thought although we have different thinkings, we could work something out at the end of this process.

Time was probably what you needed?

My eyes has blinded me for many years.

I found out tat there's another sillier person/girl existing in my life.

Someone who's always there for me yet i refused to acknowledge.

Someone who waited while i ran and ran for 05 long years.

If i'd chosen to wait for you, i'll be watching another misery.

Something you could never would have seen or feel.

This time, no matter what my future holds..

I will never want to be in regrets, i'm tired of ranning away all the time.

I need a rest, i need a shoulder to lean on badly.

This is what i found in her, simple request.

I know you aren't tat heartless, you still cared and check on me.

I thank you for tat and i will never forget.

But laugh at me if you want, riddi' me cos i can take it.

My point in this entry is not about her, it's about us.

What we went through has been an experience.

We are both upset abt how it ends.

Dun give up if you hadn't found the right one for now.

God always have a reason why things turn out to be good or bad.

Like how he made me go in circles,hurting myself for the past 05 years until i fall back to her again.

Believe it and be happy until then when you found tat somebody, you will understand.

I may too fast to conclude everything right now but you can't imagine how i felt.

Lastly, you are welcome back as a friend at all times.

Although i had said before tat i had never done tat but, i have changed my concepts.

Be happy for me because i have changed to think lighter.

I am less tense and pretty much brighter nowadays.

I have opened my eyes and ears for better views and beautiful sights.

I have learned to take my medication on time and i'm more healthier.

She has taken good care of me all these times.

Leave your worries all away if there's anymore.

No matter where you are..

Bring along my blessings altogether.

Please be happy. :)

~Chris Ang.

chr|s on 11:49 AM
0 comments

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Dated : 19112006

She came over to stay and for her revision as well.
While in the bath, i saw a bottle of chicken essence in her bag given by her ex days ago.
I ignored that bottle and took mine to warm up.
I dun know what she will say or ask so i simply told straight tat the bottle was MINE.
Blame me for being so selfish but if you wanna finish it up, do it away from me.
Who will not have felt that?
I wasn't pissed or anything just tat i wanted to execise my efforts. ;p
I laid at a side waiting while she studied.
Strange cos i had never done so before, i felt funny. hah.

Both of us went to bed quite late and before i know it, i was in dreamland.
We didn't talked much like usual though.
I find myself waking up in wee hours everyday and i dun know why either.
Asked myself about it while smoking.
I shooked my head and yawned only.
Felt bad cause i had also waken her up many times when she stayed over.
Appreciate it becos she never fail to wait til i climbed back to bed after that.
Although at many times she has her laziness, she has her ways to peck me up as well.

Time : 1002pm.
I'm shivering cos it's beginning to be cold and i wish she will not catch a cold.(She left her jacket at my place.)
I will need to send the kid back and probably meet her up for supper becos forgetful girl will definitely skip it.
I need to feel warm and i know she will never fail to place her hand at my chest whenever i starts coughing.
Thank you, i needed you to know.
I'm sorry i have made you wait for 05yrs.
If god had arranged all these, may he tell you how sorry i was at all times.

Anticipating for my trip BECOS i wanna do shopping badly BUT my sister stopped me.
She wants me to save up and buy it all there. *MADNESS*
Wanted to cut my hair badly BUT she stopped me again and told me i will look better with it longer!
Whatever it is, i surely hope it will be unforgetable.
May you feel the same too.

chr|s on 9:49 PM
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Friday, November 17, 2006

Dated : 17112006.

Time : 0116pm.

THOSE MEMORABLE DAYS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm here today to write down whatever i still remember for my chalet.

Words to express : Loved & unforgetable.

Impressive things that no one has attempt to do for me.

To others it may seems tat i'm going over-board.

Imagine an absolute boring, up-tight i've actually lead with constant stumbling broken hrts given throughout.

You will know exactly what i'm saying. :)

The brats came too.

Miss me guys cos i've booked a ticket to bangkok next month for 05 days.

For the 1st time in my life after years of political family issues & slogging half of life away because of a huge debt before, i was finally setting off to do that one thing i wanted, even for tat once.

(Well, laugh at me if you want. I dun care cos i'm finally free!)

The trip was offically organised by Miss STEF and Miss YONG and i'd like to thank them.

Though they are the ones who actually planned for everything and it may seems that i can't be the least bothered abt it..

I guess it's the way i expressed myself, i didn't know how to..

Nobody has planned all these for me or it has never come across my path, that's probably why.

Suprises don't come along, don't they?

I was a little grumpy and felt useless cos i haven't got the full abilities to pay for her trip this time.

15 more months to go before we clear uncles's loan.

Am not going think now about what's going to change after all these.

I am still interested in going back for studies but i hafta convince myself hard 1st.(hmm..)

I know for sure she's right here to support my idea & i'm glad.

Well, she is so, so busy..

She 's my part-time doctor, part-time consultant, part-time kindergarden teacher.. plus my FULL-time girlfriend.

Hah, so unlucky for her huh.. ;p

16 Nov -

Anyway, my dearest GOLDFISH died yesterday and i'm so badly hurt.

I wrapped it and together with her, she watched as i bury my dearest. :_(

I felt like a murderer cos i can't save it.

Anyway, i will try to keep the balancing 2 surviving.

Will upload their pictures soon. ~

chr|s on 12:56 PM
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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Dated: 08112006
(Day 79)
Time : 1231pm

The red headed one.

Done the coloring, i think i look weird, heh.

It's been a long long since i have updated.

Laziness is one cause.

Secondly, i find myself always looking toward to release the tons of stress i'm having..

Something i have never experience before, never before.

Something no one could do for me.

Something so simple yet i never felt before.

I find myself lying my head on tat shoulder everytime.

And someone who wants to listen and relate with.

Just that, simple.

After passing my licence for almost 4 months.

There was more stress, driving is cool but also very tiring.

End of the day, i will either park at a corner shutting my eyes for a short break or drop dead on my bed.

Sometimes i wish i haven't got it.

It's not as good as i thought. :(

Yesterday (24/10/2006) was a great day.

DOC took me to her friends's place for visting.

A block-headed butch with a very good gf staying together with their new love, a dog named zai zai.

Though their place is small and untidy, it's interesting because it's a lovable love-nest.

Something i have never seen and experience.

After that, we finalized to park my car aside and took the train.

It's been quite sometime i took it and i was a little uneasy about it.

I guess she know bah, trying to calm me a little by holding my hand.

We headed to bugis next, trying to get her stuffs and we met up with a long over-due friend, jia-ling.

I think i have met her for one year or so, she was so shock when said hello. ;p

Kelong is located in Indonesia, in Tanjong Pinang, which is about 02 Hours ferry ride away from Singapore.

We have to walk across a 800m bridge from shore to reach the Kelong.

Anyway, there are 4 boats at the kelong that can ferry you across uponrequest at no cost.

The Kelong houses 18 Fan rooms and 10 Air-con rooms, each with attached bath.

At this capacity, it can have a minimum of 56 pax based on twinsharing.

Kettle boiled hot water for bath will be provided on request.

Never thought i could have such a place to go for relaxation ever, i guess.

Although to others it's just a trip out there, to me.. it's the thoughts that counts.

I should have expect things to turn out the way it is now.

In just 2 months, i was struck hard with the reality that my wait is nothing but a make-believe fairy-tale in my own world.

While there are others who wants to try out, i have been slumbering-sleep for months.

I often laugh at myself to replace the emotional heartaches all the times.

What a sick joke.

I could and should have understood the way humanity always handles things.

Could have slapped myself thousands of times to sober up.

For many times, i always kept in an enclosed/confided area of my world becos there were things i chose not to know about.

For months, there was nobody i could confide and lean on except for DOC.

For months, that seems like years..

This has been dragging for far too long and too unhealthy.

I have been physically weak for past few months and i have to live my life with iron/royal jellies/ginsengs tablets.

3 times a days.

I have been slowly picking up on health, on feelings, on talking recently.

I'm thankful to my family, DOC and bryan.

I have recieved some mails from others in fridae.com.

All of them consoled me and i'm thankful.

(Thank you, guys.)

2 more days to my chalet.

I'm already predicting someone's gonna to surprise me. heh.

I wasn't allowed to enter before 9pm so i will slowly, slowly drag my time.

I only wish to be happier this year. :)

Although i could say..

Memories are the hardest things to forget, yet they are the sweetest things that ever make you smile.

So if there are pple out there who always think that they are actually suffering badly in work, family or love.

Look at others, there will always be a saddest case that your's.

There are pple who fall down in a process and just sit there in pain, refusing to drag themselves up. - BABIES.

There are pple who always ask for advises and refused to accept or learn to try advises out. - WASTE OF TIME.

There are pple who thinks they have everything in this world and talk abt themselves all the entire time. - TALK CORK SING SONG.

There are pple who just never like to make things clear and leave you guessing at all times. - LIARS.

There are so much you could see in your daily life.

Be it real or unreal, you will have to always figure it out yourself.

Just like when you make a new friend, it's always a gamble whether they can be a good or bad friend, ain't it?

I never like to gamble.

If i wanna win, i will try all my best. :)

To those pple who's worrying for me these while.

I'm truly grateful for the thoughts and concern.

I'm doing fine.

I'm recovering well.

I'm happily attached to a girl who allows me to heal at my time.

I'm being well-care of during these times.

I only know it's unfair towards her.

I'm sorry.

Please dun walk away from me, give me time to walk through.

Please.

chr|s on 12:00 PM
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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Dated : 07112006
Artist: Darren Hayes.
(Song: I Miss You.)

Gimme a reason.
Why I'm feeling so blue.
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you.
Gimme a reason.
Why I can't feel my heart.
Everytime you leave my side, I just fall apart..

And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go.
Can you tell me, I wanna know..

Because I miss you.
And this is all I wanna say.
I guess I miss you, beautiful.
These three words have said it all.
You know I miss you.
I think about you when you're gone.
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong.
I don't need to carry on..

Gimme a reason.
Why I can't concentrate.
The world is turning upside down.
Spinning round and round.
Gimme a reason.
Why I now understand.
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me..

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere.
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there.
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room.
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too..

Because I miss you.
And this is all I wanna say.
I guess I miss you, beautiful.
These three words have said it all.
You know I miss you.
I think about you when you're gone.
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong.
I don't need to carry on.

It's such a hard life in most of the time.
I'm just surviving.
That's why I want you to know.
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning.
You fill my world with so much hope..

And I miss you.
This is all I wanna say.
I guess I miss you, beautiful.
These three words have said it all.
You know I miss you.
I think about you when you're gone.
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong.
I don't need to carry on..

You know I miss you.
And this all I wanna say.
I guess I miss you, beautiful.
These three words have said it all..

You know I miss you.
And this is all I wanna do.
I know it doesn't sound too cool.
But maybe I'm in love with you..

You know I miss you.
And this all I wanna say.
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong.
I don't need to carry on.

I just miss you.
Yeah, it's true..
I miss you, baby.
And when you're walking out that door.
I know I miss you.
You make me wanna ask for more..
I just miss you.
Yeah, it's true..
I miss you, baby.

chr|s on 11:51 AM
0 comments

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Dated : 01112006

Am organising a birthday chalet for this year, with the help of silly DOC.
Thank you, i appreciate. :)
By the way, i will be 27 this year. heh.

Today, i have spending some time tinking of who to invite.
I have no serious intentions of inviting any friends to come.
The fact of them after the food and wanted to staying over makes me tensed.
Over the years, they have seriously not been any good friends and there was some who stayed over my place few years back.
Their habits and over-all make me sick.
Some pple are just so in-considerate. (hai.)
So if i dun invite, i will save up being stressed, simple.
I guess the main guests are just my family or relatives, that's all i needed.
Know something?
As the chalet days's approaching, i really feels like it's a bonus to end up this year.
Bring the smile on me everyday. :)

DECEMBER~
With the help and advises from DOC coping with my endless stress..
I will probably be going for a vacation this december, 3D 2N?
Without a single knowledge of whatsoever, she will be my tour guide. :)
I am still not confirm with all of it yet but will discuss with it when i am free these few days.
These are my updates for now. :)

My depression is getting better and better, though not fully.
To those who's worrying, please don't.
I have been eating well and resting well.
I am blessed because i have been loved.

chr|s on 11:49 AM
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