Saturday, September 30, 2006

Dated : 30092006
(Day 40)

While at home yesterday, i watched T.V about pple who had struggled to change their life after a grave mistake they made in life.
It was about a man who landed in jail for a murder when he was young.
He has a wife and a son a that time.
Spending his time in jail was the last thing he could ever wanted.
For many years his wife waited for his return and the very day he was released, he was only too grateful that they put a yellow ribbon to welcome him.
It also means they have already forgiven him.
It was tough for him for his record to start anew and not to go astray.
A teacher of his reminded him of his passion of being a life-guard and gave him all the support he needed.
Despite the humiltations and different looks from everybody he met, he persisted and tried all his best.
As he explained, he was wrong before, took away a life and he was remoseful.
His only wish was to start all ovr and to save lifes as a life-guard, thats all.
And he finally got a fresh new chance after years of trying.
It's a total gift from god when others forgive of your mistakes and you will forever grasp that one and only chance, never to repeat the same thing.
It's a tragic if you gets none from others and very often it will leads to many threatening attempts to drop dead.

I won't say i have met all kinda pple durin these 26 years of life living, watching and observing them.
But if someone was to commit a grave mistake and ask for my apologies, i will not hesitate to forgive.
I cannot bear myself not to forgive them as they will have a fresh new chance to redo or start afresh.
It is seriously happier to forgive and forget and see what could be for them, life's should be that simple.
I did not say that i have not made mistakes, i do err. Some big, some small.
I have been through alot these years and learned many on the way until today.
Life hasn't been kind for me.
Career problems, family disputes and broken relationships.
In between 6 years, i have lost 03 loved ones.
1)Hep B. (59yr)
2)Heart attack.(62yrs)
3)aging, she passed away this year.(87yrs)
Wonder how it felt?

Although i have been struggling through all these for years and times, i have not sobered myself yet to understand some big factors in life.
Some say i'm a coward ranning away from many problems whenever it came to me.
Pple couldn't understand the amount of stress i faced through and i have always have no shoulders to lean on.
(Sad huh? I dun deserve any sympathy.)
It's never easy for pple to understand many things and even harder for them to suffer all with you.
If you chose to hate humanity instead becos you felt they are heartless when they dun face problems with you, think twice.
Life's not about blaming anymore.
Life's terrible you hate somebody.
Life's meaningless when you could not see true colours.
*If someone were to think that they are always coping with bad, tough life. and get angry for the rest of their life.
Try flipping pages and look others.
*If someone were to always hold on to certain regrets forever, there will never be a single night of peaceful sleep.
I know it very well myself.
Some will chose to change rapidly to help aid them get over many certain things and be different.
As far as i know, things that happened don't just go away like you wished to, it will never go away.
But that will make them happier, go ahead.

Last night, a remoseful sinner has confessed and was forgiven for a grave mistake happened years back.
It was a something that i had never thought of opening up.
Nobody knows how tiring it was to keep running at all times.
Neither could they could they understand the type of remose one could ever take.
There wasn't a need to explain anymore, the more you spade, the deeper it will get.
I often imagine how pple will hurl dirt at my face for mistakes and how i would stood there and let them vent all their anger.
You don't know how grateful it was to be forgiven. =_(

If your chance has not arrived yet, be patient.
I have waited years for this day and i felt so much better than before.
In any way, i's normal for humanity to err but there is a proper way or golden opportunity, at least a sincere "sorry" can make you feel better.
Remember, life's never easy but always hope.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Dated : 29092006

Craig David - Unbelievable.
--------------------------------
Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

[Chorus]
It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how-.
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,
And I've never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.

[Chorus]
It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and cry.
Ohh yeah, break down and cry...

Chorus]
It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

Now I see, what love means.~

I never have the chance to really appreciate this song, today i want to share it on this blog.
"Only pple who loves and deserved to be loved will appreciate about this song."
Let god blesses those who are deeply in love. :)

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Dated : 28092006 - 29092006

Platonic Relationships
************************
When dealing with male-female relationships, the statement of we're just friends, is frequently followed by snickers of doubt and yeah, right attitudes.
But why is this?

The prevalent belief is that it is simply impossible for males and females to just be friends.
Wherever a friendship between two people of the opposite sex is seen, society makes predictions about how the friendship is doomed to fail because intimate feelings will usually get involved,
The general view is that sooner or later, the relationship will get too intimate for comfort.
This view has been paralleled in numerous urban cities/colleges.
However, as times change, so do people.
The social scene is undergoing a slight change that is more accepting of platonic relationships. Boys and girls are getting to know each other without the context of one-on-one relationships. Group dating is increasing, enabling people to forge strong, non-sexual, respectable relationships with one another.
This changing scenario proves that people are capable of forming lasting relationships with members of the opposite sex. Relations between the two genders increasingly rely on respect and friendship rather than just sex and/or intimacy.

Although platonic relationships exist, there is always the possibility that the relationship will evolve into something more.
But relationships that begin with friendship as their base have been proven to be far more stable than those that do not.
Relationships that have friendship as their base usually last longer because both partners are more comfortable around each other.
There are no pretensions in the relationship.
This, along with other factors, proves that even if male/female friendships escalate, they can still be healthy relationships.
The views of platonic relationships differ in various people. Although, many platonic relationships have been proven healthy, many people feel as if a man and a woman cannot be friends without being intimate.
Although platonic relationships do exist and can actually work, these relationships may require more work than same-sex friendships.
Although it is important to cultivate all friendships, be mindful of hazards that might jeopardize a platonic relationship.

In order for the friendship to work, you must be up front about your feelings.
Counselors suggest that if romantic sentiments arise, it is easier to reveal those feelings at the start of the friendship.
Mixed emotions can get in the way later on if you feel very passionate about developing a committed relationship with your platonic friend.

On the other hand, if you are only interested in a platonic relationship and feel you can maintain it, then go for it!
With this attitude in mind, it's very possible that a platonic relationship can work.
If a mutual understanding exists and both parties agree to the status of their relationship, the friendship can stand the test of time.

Platonic friends works in theory, not reality.
***********************************************
Do such purely platonic friendships exist in the real world?
Heather Reinhart, Chico State University senior, said "Guys and girls, just as friends? Sure, people say they have platonic relationships, but they are lying to themselves.
In the end there is always a crush."

Often times in a close friendship the comfort zone grows to such an extent almost anything can be said or done around that person.
In a male/female friendship, this comfort sometimes leads to more intimate thoughts.
The line between friend and "more than a friend" can get a little fuzzy, as one student admitted.

"A part of me always wants to kiss a girl who's a friend," said Bull Ah-yun, a Chico State senior. "But I don't. I get scared of messing things up.
Nothing's worth wrecking a friendship."

Mark Overgaard, a Chico State junior, said, "Some of my best friends are girls.
Sometimes I have crushes on them, but nothing ever happens."
He then laughed and confessed, "Oh, OK.
Occasionally something happens.
Half and half.
But platonic relationships are possible."

Almost all the students that were interviewed agreed that even one kiss alters a friendship a little.
The platonic aspect of the relationship is in danger.

Chico State senior Michelle Stafford said, "If a small attraction is already there and alcohol gets involved, things could change a little."
"They're [platonic friendships] great, but then again if an attraction comes into the picture, it's not so great,"
Brian Zan, Chico State senior, agreed. "Especially if you're unsure how the other person feels."
When asked whether he had ever kissed one of his female "friends," Zan bashfully nodded and said, "Some I have, and some I haven't."

Robin Giannini, a senior at Chico State, offered a little advice on the subject.
She said she believes platonic friendships can remain strictly platonic, but it is difficult.
If one of the people has a girlfriend or boyfriend, it can take a strain off the possible romantic aspects of the friendship.
There are set boundaries.
The friendship definitely cannot go further than a certain point.

"Sure, it's easier if you are already involved in another relationship," Reinhart said.
"But if there was no significant other, who knows what would happen?
Even if there is a significant other, something still might happen."

Zan stressed the importance of friendships rather the content of them.
"Friendships are the start of everything and anything," Zan said.
"You never know what it will evolve into.
That is how all relationships must begin, with a friendship.
Without friendship it will never last.
It's just an infatuation."

Do’s and Don’ts of Cultivating and Maintaining a Platonic Friendship with a Woman!
You Would Otherwise Want To Have a Relationship With and Quite Possibly Marry.
****************************************************************************************
DO play and replay scenarios in your mind where you come out and declare your true feelings to her.
DO NOT actually attempt this.
DO rehearse elaborate and impassioned declarations of your love
DO NOT ever let anyone hear you doing this.
DO NOT ever actually give her the speech. (Instead, drop little, enigmatic, self-deprecating hints to her, and then agonize over why she does not pick up on them.)
DO listen to all her problems with men:
No matter how many times you have heard her make these same mistakes (with other men), DO NOT get so entranced by her soft, full lips that you lean forward and kiss her. (Fantasize about it instead.)
DO feel the knife twisting and your insides tearing up as you listen to this
DO develop a gnawing enviousness that grows into an insane jealousy
DO commiserate with your close guy friends. See who can come up with the most heinously painful story about “The Treatment.” Shudder in unison.
DO NOT confide in any of your female friends, because:
They won’t understand.
They’ve done it themselves. In fact, they enjoy doing it.
They’ll think you are talking about them.
They are obligated to pass on their knowledge to the Psychological Warfare Division of the Sisterhood to Destroy All Men.
DO get drunk and maudlin about her
DO NOT get drunk and confront her
If you do reveal your true feelings to her while drunk or in an otherwise abnormal or altered state of mind (incl. unwarranted happiness, ridiculously deep depression, brain fever, etc.), DO deny and disavow all statements the next day.
DO say how it would be such a big mistake if you were to get together with her.
DO joke about it afterwards.
DO NOT cry, break down, and admit that you have been carrying a torch for her for ___ weeks/months/years/aeons.
DO NOT consciously avoid her for the next two weeks (avoid her unconsciously).
DO curse yourself for being a miserable, spineless, pathetic, emotionally-stunted fool.
DO promise that you will change, that things will be different.
DO NOT actually change.
DO agonize about whether to sign letters to her “love” or “your friend”
DO NOT pretend you are kissing her when you lick the envelope.
DO vacillate between fearing that she will discover how you feel about her and hoping that she does.
DO seek out opportunities to hug, air/cheek kiss, and give/receive back rubs
DO NOT let things get out of hand (if this should happen, apologize profusely and disavow everything)
DO become trapped in a shallow, meaningless, lifeless relationship.
DO NOT actually seek out a secure, quality, lasting relationship, as this would interfere with your fantasizing about her
DO complain bitterly about this awful relationship to all your friends and to her.

Platonic Philosophy
*********************
I recently asked an 18-year-old guy if he believed in platonic relationships between guys and girls.
His answer was interesting: "Only if there's a barrier," he said, "like if she's dating your friend or if she's your cousin. But generally - I'd say no."

After years of field research on the subject (hey, someone has to do it) I have found this to be true.
"We're only friends" is a cop-out: it means you don't know each other that well, that one of you feels something the other doesn't, or that you are lying to yourselves.
Strike this comment if one of you is gay or attached, or if you are related.

It is my feeling that when you have a close friend of the opposite sex, with whom you share everything and where no mitigating factors exist, at least one of you will be harboring deeper feelings for the other.
This shouldn't be surprising: the best relationships grow out of friendship, the deepest attractions grow out of an intimate connection with someone's soul.
Why should it be otherwise?

This is not to say that you should drop all of your guy friends for fear that they are secretly pining after you. Or that you should assume that the girl you have considered your best pal for years is really just waiting for the right moment.
Just be aware that there is always a subtext to every situation, and the subtext of deep friendship, not surprisingly, is love.
Don't be fooled into thinking it can't happen to you.

My friend Nikki was best friends with Gary for years.
They talked for hours every day, did everything together.
They each went out with other people throughout high school and the early part of college.
We're only friends, Nikki would protest, when asked what the deal was.
She sang this song and danced this dance for the better part of two years.
Sometime, somewhere, things changed.
They started dating. Seriously.
No one was shocked (except maybe Nikki); it was a natural outgrowth of what had been going on for years. Today they are married with two kids.
But remember: They're only friends.

How To Quickly Turn Platonic Friends into Lovers Using The New 5-Step Jealousy Technique.
************************************************************************************************
STEP 1:
Make sure when you mention this other girl it flows naturally in the conversation. You don't want her to think (know) that you have an agenda. You can say something like "Oh yeah, that reminds me, there's this new girl that moved in down the street..." and then smoothly deliver you story.

STEP 2:
Build up the value of the girl in this story. Make her incredible. If the girl isn't special, than your story isn't going to have the right affect on her. You have to let her know that this girl is slightly better. Basically, you are going to put her in a competition that she didn't sign up for. And because all women want the attention to be on them she'll be literally forced into a competitive mindstate. It's ok to laugh. Remember, to her you are innoscently recalling a past event/experience with another female or you are telling her about a "new girl" that you just discovered. You are just sharing your joy. Give the friend specific reasons why the "special girl" is better than most females (her). Talk about her breasts, her butt, her personality, her eyes, her amazing smile, anything. Pretend that it is your mission to get the friend to say to herself "Ok, that's enough! I want you to talk about me!" The good thing about this step is that you don't have to wonder whether it will work. I'm going to assume that you know that this will happen eventually if you do it the right way.

STEP 3:
Repeat Step 2. It is a must that you do this way past the point where she begins to want you to start talking about her. You got to make her feel uncomfortable. And you must extend this discomfort for awhile. Jealousy always involves discomfort. If you ever been jealous over a girl, you know that it always increases your attention (magnifies your focus) on the girl you were jealous over.
You may not realized it, but is also increased your attraction to her. Most women are natural experts at doing this.

STEP 4:
If your particular story allows for it, make sure there is an event where a bunch of guys are admiring this special girl. For example: "This new girl moved in my neighbor yesterday. She gets out of her car and three guys stopped what they were doing and just starting staring at her with their tongues hanging out of their mouths. It was like she was walking in slow motion..." You want her to say to herself "She must be super hot. All the guys want her" Also, women get in competitive mode very easily when they see a woman sucking up all of the guys' attention.

STEP 5:
Make this step as believable as possible. So far you have built up the value of this super awesome girl that all the guys want. Now you must show that this girl is attracted to you on some level - even if it appears that you are not aware of it. For example: "It was like she was walking in slow motion. Then she introduced herself to me. I was a little shocked because most hot girls are stuck up. She was very friendly. She then tells me that I reminded her of an ex boyfriend and she starts looking at me weird. I'm not sure if that was good or bad." As you can see this step is all about sending the message that this girl digs you. It is not about sending the message that you have everything figured out.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Dated: 26092006.
(Day 36)

BO NAEL SOO UHB NEUN SARANG - JUST
********************************************
Irohge nol chagdo inunde
ibyorun hanbonun nege mworago hanmadi gonnejiji anhgo
nunmulman hulline
ajigdo gude mosub giog nunul gamnundedo ije saranghajil
anhnun noui maumul buthjabgo
sulphume jamgyoyo
Saranghajiman boneya handamyon
miryondo huhoemajo namgyo duji anhulge
sulpho hajima shigani jinagamyon
urin soro morunun sairo
Gudenun nal tona ganneyo
amuron marobshi uri hamke gorotdon gu garosu suphgil sogenun
na honjaman nama
Saranghajiman boneya handamyon
miryondo huhoemajo namgyo duji anhulge
sulpho hajima shigani jinagamyon
urin soro
Nan gude obshin salsu obsoyo
guderul sarangheso nomuna do mibneyo
amumal hajimalgo ne sonul kog jabajwoyo
narul mollabondedo gioge mudoduji malgo
Saranghajiman boneya handamyon
miryondo huhoemajo namgyo duji anhulge
modunge byonhandedo nanun byonhaji anha
Saranghe
ajigdo nol manhi saranghe

(A Love I Can't Let Go) - JUST
**********************************
I'm searching for you like this..
Separation doesn't give me any words of comfort
It only helps my tears falls
Even though I close my eyes, I still miss your face
I want you to love me
Saddness is sinking in

I love you, but if I have to send you away
I won't have any scars or regrets
Don't be sad.
As time passes
We'll become strangers...
You've left me
I'm alone on the paths
Of the forests we used to follow

I love you, but if I have to send you away
I won't have any scars or regrets
Don't be sad.
As time passes we'll become~~
I can't live without you
I hate you because I love you this much
Without saying anything, just hold my hand
So you don't recognize me, don't keep any memories of me

I love you, but if I have to send you away
I won't have any scars or regrets
Even if everything changes, I won't~
I love you
I still love you very much.

Check this out :
STORYLINE - My Name : Kim San Soon
****************************************
In her 30 years of living, Sam-soon has never been more depressed.
She had a heartbreaking Christmas when she confirmed that her boyfriend of three years is cheating on her.
And to make things worst, she got fired on the same day.
She may not be hot and pretty like any other girls but she definitely has a good heart and talent. She tried her luck in a prestigious restaurant owned by Jin-heon, Bon Appetit, as a patisserie. Because she has a knack in baking, she got hired instantly but changed name to Kim Hee-jin.

Tired of getting involved with blind dates set up by her mom, Jin-heon asked Sam-soon to pretend that they are dating.
She agreed since she owes him money to pay back for the house her dad sold.
Their personalities didn't jive at first and always end up fighting.
But what she doesn't know is that his being stiff and serious about everything is just a coverup of a painful past.

Hee-jin, Jin-heon's ex girlfriend, came back after 3 years of stay in America.
She tried to persuade him into talking to her so she could explain her sudden leaving.
Regardless how hard he tries to avoid Hee-jin, she didn't give up until everything is settled.
She still loves him despite of how their relationship turned out.

Sam-soon defenselessly starts to fall in love with Jin-heon.
She is threatened that he'll go back to Hee-jin so she admitted that she likes him.
But after knowing the truth on Hee-jin's reasons, Jin-heon accepted her and made up.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: SPOILER ALERT ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Hee-jin has Advance Gastric Cancer.
She didn't tell Jin-heon because he just got involved in a car accident that killed his brother and sister in law.
She doesn't want to put him in a more painful situation.
It was Jin-heon's mom who pushed Hee-jin away to get the operation and promised that she could go back as soon as she gets better.
Now that she is back on track, Jin-heon's mom didn't accept her because she is unhealthy. She tried to get Sam-soon back to get rid of Hee-jin.

Jin-heon misses Sam-soon.
He got jealous when Hyun-woo would like to get back with her.
Before he knows it, he already likes her.
Hee-jin witnessed the sudden change on Jin-heon's attraction towards Sam-soon.
She confided her problems with Henry, her doctor, who is in love with her.
Supported enough, Henry was able to help her get through the heartache.

When Hee-jin and Henry is about to return to America, she asked for Jin-heon if he could send her off for the last time.
He went to America leaving Sam-soon a promise that he would come back for her.
After months of waiting, Sam-soon gave up on his promise and started a new life without him. She built her own online bakeshop.
It didn't start up well but it eventually picked up.
She also started to date other men.

Jin-heon came back thinking that Sam-soon would be ecstatic to see him.
To his surprise, she got mad instead.
She thought that he never tried to communicate and left her hanging.
Jin-heon claimed he did send out letters but got re-routed.
Sam-soon was convinced and accepted him back to her life.

Everything worked out well between Sam-Soon and Jin-heon.
Their love was able to conquer all the complications they went through.
Even if up to the end, Jin-heon's mom doesn't approve their relationship, they proudly stayed together.
Hee-jin continued her studies and a special relationship with Henry.

(No matter how hard it is to be in love, in the end, it would always give you the reason to live.)
*Doc, read it since you so so so lazy bum to watch such a good show. heh.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Dated : 25092006.
(Day 35)

My Dream
(By Eugene )

English Translation :
******************
I stand there motionless.
I was locked in my sadness and couldn't move.
I was afraid the hand that guarded me would disappear.

You always came to me with that bright smile on your face.
As though nothing was wrong.
The soft breath I felt while you sat there until I fell asleep.
I miss it so much.

Why does it grow?
It's a love no one knows about.
I can't stop.
I find my way towards you every night~
And at times you just fall into my arms and tell me you love me.

Will you leave before I wake? ~
All I do is stare.

I loved the times I shared with you.
Many days will you cherish.
You'd come around so silently.

You always came to me with that bright smile on your face.
As though nothing was wrong.
The soft breath I felt while you sat there until I fell asleep.
I miss it so much.

Nice song from the soundtracks of : Save the last dance for me korean show.
Check the song at my page. :)

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Dated : 23092006
(Day 33)

Sunday: : =\
It's barely 12pm and i was woke up by the BRATS.
OMG, give me a break!
My 1st sight was baby belivia grinning, sat at my legs and happily playing the gameboy.
I looked down and 2nd brat was on my sister's bed.
Apparently, they must have been here during my dreams cos i thought i heard my elder sister's voice. =o
I really wanna go back to sleep, dropped back and put my bloster at my ears.
Not that i hated the kids, i need more rest..
They never seems to stop bugging me, the next moment she was lying beside me playing her games, thrice.
It rather dangerous to play on my bed so i just left her there and flip to the right.
Didn't understand why they liked my room so much.
Then they start their nonsense, screamed and keep talking and yakking..OMG.
I looked at them with the half dead eyes and they laughed and laughed.
Dropped dead again. hah.(I could count how many times i dropped dead as well.)
Finally, the headache on my head came and i decided i shouldn't lie on.
(Low blood pressure problems : If i sleep too much i will feel dizzy the whole day.)
I got up, changed, brushed my teeth, washed my face and went out with, 2 BRATS and 1 mum. heh.
As usual, we had MCDONALD and they are probably the worst monkeys i have ever seen.
When food arrived they were snatching the fries like hungry ghosts.
I had to seperate their drinks always because they are always falling sick if one does.
I had Mc-Spicy chicken while my mother shared her food with them.
All went well until i went to order food for my sister..
They were at the washing basin playing with water and the blower.
I was anxious because the blower was hotter than what i have used and immediately both had their ears pulled after that.
They didn't cry but ran to find my mum for protection.
I had it, i hurried them home asap. *faint*
It's not so bad out with just 1 kid but 2 is a total tragedy, i tell you.

Ya, not forgetting DOC sent: TESTING TESTING, whether i am wake or not. hah. (sickening)
She had an appointment with dearest mokie GF.(Think she's going to snap..)
And she will be going over to her place for the night.
A few things i think i memorized from yesterday conversation.
-My doctor must be a half malay cos she likes installments than settling full payments. heh.(I think she's going to kill me for that.)
-And i must be a half bastard in the past cos she remind me that i had made her wait for 8 hours once upon a time. OMG!
And you know what, i can't remember a single shit abt it. (How heartless, rite?)
Abt the rest, i forget liao. hah. (I know what you are gonna say again, goldfish memory right?)

Got home 1st thing was to have a bath, my idea was go back for a short nap.
Anyway, I dropped dead on my bed but to realise that i can't sleep anymore.
Got a call from bryan and she kinda hinted if i wanna go out.
1stly, i was kinda exhausted and i think i sprained my back in a way. (DUN FEEL LIKE GOING LEH.)
So, we talked over the phone about her current life and about her plans in future. (RUBBISH.)
Then, we finalized that she will come over for dinner cos my mum's cooking.
Thought she say say only, but she came.
Didn't realised she arrived until she shooked my bed, idiot.
I think the kid opened the door for her when she came.
Got up and dragged myself to the toliet and re-do my washing and blah blah.
Had a fag each while waiting for the other to finish their share of dinner.
Mum was understanding cos there wasn't much food left, took out some curry chicken and i love those potatoes!
Didn't really eat much for me but i assume bryan did her fill. heh.
She bought up 2 bottle of coke to share and i think she said she'll be coming on next sunday to cook curry chicken.

After my food, left her to play with the kid and the dog and waited for my elder sister to come home.
It was abt 0815pm when she called me to bring the kids to the car.
Packed and took everything plus bryan went to start up my car.
The BRATS was pulling my hair, covered my face and playing baby's - sissors, paper stone.
I was roaring my head off and threaten many time to sell them but they won't listen.
Suddenly tigerness walked over and opened the door and like magic, her cubs went silent. (hah.)
My job was to send them home and drop bryan off too, wasn't too sleepy but i aching at the back.
Mood for today wasn't too much and i wondered why.
Sundays are supposed not to be in that way and it's was strangely stress free.
Morever i wasn't feeling emotional. (?)
Drove home at my stride and the air inside the car was nice too.
I didn't smoke alot in my car but got down to smoke a stick with bryan before leaving her place.
She asked if i wanna chat in her place but i didn't want to cos i was tired.
Went back after i cleared my fag, got in the car and played my songs.
I reached home at about 1030pm and went for my 2nd bath of the day.
Weather was darn too hot and i hate it.

Refreshed, i played the radio and started my same old life story here again.
It's amazing how much i could write everday because i was restless all the time.
But, this is a sure way to stress out for me, whether good things or not.
Know what, it's never bad to write back once in a blue moon abt your thoughts.
Just today while clearing, i saw my old box and open it up.
There, it contained many stuffs that was only good and one by one, i look and read. *zip*
The moral : I have gain and lost too much things and although i am left with only faded looking stuffs that i have never thrown away..
Sweetest memories is all in this box. :)

Everyday is different, as time passes all of us have changed.
Whether they wanna keep looking back, i will not or choose not to know.
Humanity are the worst living in life and don't attempt to understand.
But i'm willingly to forget and forgive all of them because this is by nature.
I wasn't hard-hearted by nature after all. :)

Quote:
Choose to love but not hatred.
Choose to live strong but not weaken.
Choosing isn't that diffcult when you follow ur heart desires.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Dated : 22092006
(Day 32)

Today was the kinda usual saturday.
Drove to my sister's place and fetch all of them for breakfast, we had porridge.
Today porridge wasn't that nice.. :(
Belicia - elder one had quite a lot.
Took off straight to office for usual work.
The big crane broke down and there wasn't any job.
I walked around it and always admire the size and the make of it. :)
Took up most of the work for sunday and monday as well, the small crane didn't have such luck.
I didn't spend a lot of time on my computer during the day.

Walked around and spend sometime cleaning of dirt off my car from the brats.
Then i notice a crack at the bumper of the car and was wondering when did i knock onto it..
Strange. (?)
Called up my brother cos he drove my car yesterday and he admit that he did bang onto a wall while parking but he didn't see the damages.
Scolded him for being careless, threaten him a little too. heh, i think i am so mean.
The brats didn't really annoyed me today.
I stay seated on my chair and stared most of the time today.
Wished i know why but i didn't bother to question myself.
Too much questions with those unsure answers often makes me sad.
Burned all the songs i wanted and left it in the car.
Before leaving the office, the younger one was crying, mins later she was okay. (Funny brat.)
Darn mosquito bit on my forehead and i was cursing it all the way.

I was meeting DOC in the evening to settle the kid's problem.
Initially asked me to great world but i didn't know how to get there so i think she had given up. ;p
Mood today after work was bad.
I suppose sad songs makes people sad isn't it?
Brought the kid back home 1st cause she really needs a bath.
Met DOC at the usual place at around 0715pm and the kid was asking who are we meeting.(So many questions.)
I had korean food today but DOC didn't eat, she wasn't hungry i guess.
Oh ya, my sister tag along too, she had chicken rice bowl and shared with the kid.
The brat was like a princess cos DOC was feeding her and stuffs.
Still can say i'm fierce, i could almost eat her whole. heh..(roar.)
I know nobody like sthe way i deal with kids but seriously i dun wack them unless for a valid reason.
They are really princesses in life and someone needs to teach them!
Well, we headed back to my block and the kid was happily talking to DOC. (Can understand ar?)
At most time they are in BABY languages and it always makes me mad when they speak up.
As i observed, the brat seems to already got herself in good terms with DOC already.(BLACK magic is it?)

We went to the beach shortly but initially i didn't told her abt it and she was like : Where are you going?(hah, what fun..)
I was a little worried that she will pee so i brought along a diaper.
She spent most of the time with DOC and happily chatting, fooling ard. heh.
The brat had her fun, sweets and choc.(My sister going to nag at me for that.)
I dun really know if they actually talk abt the issue yet cos i was at a side looking out the sky and the sea.
Really down down feelings, wonder how long i have been bottling up those stuffs.
DOC took off to another to pick up her call from GF and while that, opp side(which is malaysia) had fireworks.
It was beautiful but if it could be nearer, it will be really fantastic. Melt my heart. :)
And during that, the brat was wailing for the tall jiejie all the way.
Punched me, kicked me, bit me and i have to be so knd not to scream at her cos she was having that phonecall cums so many pple there. (Darn.)
The worst part was, assuming RED ants crawling into my jeans and bit hard on me!!
Poor me hafta half grab the kid, half trying to get the ants outta. (ARGH.)
PHEW.
After DOC came back she had to go home and so we got back to the car and got on the way.
Initially, the brat wanted to sit at the front all by herself but i'm afraid that i can't settle her while driving so asked DOC to sit in with her.
I dun know whats wrong with me today, accidently released the clutch and the engine died on me.
I know i wasn't paying much attention and i was reprimarding myself mentally that i have a kid with me and better sober up. :(

Reached and dropped DOC at her place and i lighted a cigarette, DOC bark at me for doing that and i got nasty cos i tried to drive away.. hah.
Then the kid turned at me and gave me that nasty look and nagged at me for fagging too.
While driving i turned at her constantly to check on her.
The proud girl said she won't fall asleep in anyway during the car but she did.. :) so cute.
She was wearing DOC's coat and hugging the bottle of green tea while sleeping.(will pass it back to you after i washed it!)
Well, she woke up just when i parked my car and got down herself.
Strange cos she didn't wailed about wanting to go back home.
This is the 1st time i supposed.
She changed and went straight to my room to grab hold of that gameset playing happily on her bed.
Then my idiotic brother came and took it away telling me nonsense that i shldn't teach her that.
She is only 4 years old, she will have plently of time to learn, no need you to teach.
Poor brat was sobbing for like 20mins, took my sister extra coaxing and baby-rock for her to sleep through. hai

Time : 0231pm.
Multi tasking now..
Half chatting with DOC and doing up my blog.
I think i will drop dead on my bed when i lie on it later. hah.
Tomorrow's sunday.
Seriously i dun feel like going out with those mixed feelings.
But i will see how i can entertain the kids for tml.
Good night, everyone. Happy sunday!

Quote for today:
The sky was grey and dark but when suddenly there was fireworks across, i smiled.
Miracle do appears. :)

Friday, September 22, 2006

Dated : 21092006

(Day 31)

Darn blogger failed on me and now i hafta re-type everything for now. hmmp.
I will be patient, angry now until i am sober can.

Well, my start of the day., Woke up late this morning and my sister have to wake me up so many time as though she's calling out for lost soul. hah.
Had breakfast downstairs as it was getting late and the sky looks cloudy.
I expected it to rain and i love it!
Packed food for my sister and mum for lunch and they said i've over-do it. hmmp.
Had some calls and was a little frusrated over big Com's staffs who's so so lazy to do little documents.
Don't understand how they can actually survive there without working hard?
Spent most of the time listening to songs and entertaining calls.
Not so-bad day but, i didn't like it when i feel lazy and didn't wanna talk at all.
Was afraid to go outside, darn hot weather and lotsa mosquitoes around.
Had a little discussion abt work with sisters and brother-in-law and next few days process.
We are having a smooth time currently but will definitely hope it will still go on.

Dinner was with DOC, she dropped by after she visited her grandma, gf and workplace.
We had food at my place nearby food-court, she had spicy ramen and i had chicken rice bowl.
She was pretty fast in looking for seats, i can say. heh.(Dun scold me.)
Thought she cut her hair but it was her parting which is different. ;p
Today she carried a black bag but i still think the other one i saw was better.
As usual, teh bag always look like they contain many stuffs.
Let me guess.. Got make-ups, tissues,wallet, keys, lot of paperworks and dangerous chemicals!
Looks heavy all the times, next time must peep inside, who know if there's any gold inside? heh.
After meals, we walked ard the tibits/swts shop beside and i think she bought some sweets and choco?(forgot liao.)
And i won't forget loh, sickening doc says i have GOLDFISH memory! Very short-term-memory.
Wah, thank you very the much, so far that's the best name someone gave me.
Well, she gave me a so-call special mooncake(ARGH, DURIAN) and a car refreshe. (Thanks!)
The 1st one was bought by my sister cos she said that my dad made the car so stinky and she can't tahan.
It improved a little but not so good.
I will try it out tml and hopefully i'm not sensitive to it. (keep fingers crossed.)
Took a slow stroll back on the way and it was warm, i was pesirping on the way back.(sick)
(DOC, how come you don't?)

Got back home and took a bath straight before logging to blogger, not forgetting my new found song. :)
Dad and mum got home late, wondering why they have gone to.
Must be to the praying temple, chit-chit with uncles and aunties.
Mum came in the room and ask me about my mooncake, i knew it.
She always searching at the fridge, cannot escape her eye loh.
Got up and opened the fridge to find that there's only half a piece left.(argh..)
Turned at her and she laugh, wonder if that expression is whether the cake was nice or not.
Took the rest of it and shared with my sister, she gobble it as well.
I think it'd okay, maybe because i haven't ate a mooncake for ages bah.
Multi-tasking just now, watching t.v and type before i realise stupid blogger had died out.(ARGH.)

Tomorrow's a staurday, as usual the kids will be coming.
I will probably bring the kid over to DOC, needed her to talk to the kid abt stuffs.
Hope everything will work out cos clearly her parents were anxious abt it. :( me too.
Bryan called me and her work seems to go well because she hasn't been late so far and her management's going send her for some courses.
Wack me if you want, who ask me to be so ill-fate?
I wish to see her change and grow up, thats all i desire nothing much.
Anyway, tomorrow will be a much better day, i know. :)

Quote for today:
(As I grow to understand life less and less,
I learn to love it more and more)
P.s: Missed you.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dated : 20092006

(Day 31)
Time : 1005pm

Just got back from dinner with DOC at her place, didn't know there such a nice curry chicken rice near! And i had driving lessons there for nearly 2 YRS.
Though a fussy eater always, tonight dinner was really nice but coffee sucks hell.
The drive was drowsy, there were many times i nearly closed my eyes but then i was thinking it was my night-blindness causing the drowsiness. :(
As i counted today, i barely look up to talk but rubbing my eyes not to fall asleep.
Talked about stupid cable T.V, channels and rubbishs.
Was a fast dinner cause told her i was sleepy and we walked back to the carpark and i, enjoying the light breeze.
As we passed her place , saw her mummy in the kitchen and we hafta walk a distance cos her mum didn't really like butches.
Ok lah, i'm used to that kinda treatment so it won't affect me.
She got in the car and we had a 5 - 10min talk before she went home.
She told me a story of a weird man who bought a BENZ, park his car at the public carpark, took out his car-wrap and covered it.
Walked away then U-turn back, walked around his car and check again.
Walked away again and hide at a side and see if anyone touches his car, stay for 30 mins and went home.
PLEASE LAH, rather buy a public house also.
Scare this and that..
But, Sporean got serious problem of vandalizing pple's properties, i had the same thing and my mother will curse their organs out whenever she sees it. HAH.
Once she got off, i took out my handphone and played my recent found song.
My heart melted and i skipped couple of beats.

"As the hours pass away
You think that love ain't here to stay
Feel a beat from your chest
But you don't give doubt a moment's rest
You dream the future and all you see is dark"

Check this part, is what i feels.
Dun ask me what it means, clearly i have fallen for the song but have no desire to know why, what happened.
Didn't play it on CD player cos i found the song at a website a little late to burn it onto a CD, a little lazy also.
Nice song though there are some parts that made me a little sad, probably heartache. :(

Morning began as there was numberous of irritating calls from that sickening andy!
Woke up quite early as today we hafta get those fruits from market and stuffs for my grandma at mandai.
I supposed today was the last day of the ghost festival or something, i was hoping to go pay her a visit.
Had Mcdonald alone for breakfast with nice coffee cause they didn't wanna join me loh.
Stupid, got air-con dun wanna go, go market and suffer. ;p
Got to the counter and saw the usual auntie who served me days ago.
Today she has that evil smile leh, but really polite.
I like the egg, the way they do it is exact what i liked about with my own own added salt and pepper on it.
After i finished my meal and about to walk out, all counter aunties looked at me like my face got gold, together with that evil smile (?)
Big question mark for today. ;p

Headed to office and saw that depressed looking george.
I thought he was going to hand it his re-signation letter today so everyone just waited but in the end, he didn't.
Whatever it is, the management here has done nothing wrong here and you should get some soul-searching, really.
The younger niece came too, she was still sick and as jumpy as nothing's wrong with her.
Naughty girl didn't napped today, was enjoying her cartoon and pestering my younger sister.
1 maughty kid is better than 2, i supposed.
Stef didn't really yell her lungs for the past 2 days, everything seems well. :)

Realised my car is weird today, there was not much power transmitting throughout.
After my lunch, i open up the front portion to check on the parts and whether the car needs any top-up.
Strange, everything is in order and my brother-in-law said that too.
So, he helped me adjust the clutch higher to try out, worked better.
He said: "Blame those pple who never take car of this vehicle."
Also said that the parts are quite cheap so, need not be so headache even if it really breakdown.
Anyway, i just drive and see how bah.
I see a lot of pple getting new cars everywhere but they dun realised the efforts and pain to pay it off.
Because they wants it, they buy it and cannot tahan want to sell.
Dun know what they are thinking of but everybody go through things to realise lot things.
Can't blame them, it's part of life.

Weather was darn-hot and i was pespiring everywhere i go, even eating CHICKEN CURRY RICE. hah.
I bet my car was complaining too.
Aircon wasn't too strong or the hot weather was over-powering it, i think.
Didn't do much work for today except to take in job for tml and was fractically searching for that particular download.
My computer was back to normal after i restored everything yesterday before knocking off.
I should really sit down and read on that stupid router book before i attempt stupid, dangerous settings.
But once biten, twice shy. I decide to leave it there until i have more knowledge of doing it.
I'm not stupid but if i really focus i can do it well. ;p

DOC went for her training for the new job and the way she descibe it is so funny.
(Dun worry, i won't say it here lah, give my doctor some face. Who is MOKIE or monkey??) ;p
Actually, for me ar.. i dun need to eat such good moonlight la, the one we see when we passed the cakeshop, few cents one can already. heh.
Although cheap but i remember that as the best mooncake my mum bought for me when i was young and she didn't have much money.
So leh, i'm very simple one. ;p
If i happened to passby, then i buy back for you loh, thank you 1st huh.
Gosh, didn't know why i'm tired today, maybe i haven't been sleeping well yesterday bah.
Spent too much time alone on the computer doing nothing but games and songs.
Without DOC to chatterbox with, i think one day i will just dun talk, too lazy lah.
I'd better sleep eariler tomorrow cos i have to clear up my computer and ran a scan, will take me half a day and i never know if elder sister wants me to drive out again.

Got the stupid dog a big packet of dog food at the station and stupid thing will bloody heavy can until i forgot to lock my car just now.
But, pity him cos he didn't have a proper full meal yesterday BUT he still got energy to bark and bark. (Dumb dog.)
Gave him a full meal today but he didn't finish, what the hell is wrong with that dog??
One day only one meal still dun want to finish, really that idiotic.
Got myself a new car clothes from the station also and my sister stared at me cos i ask her to pay 1st. heh.
Another nasty girl, so stingy can.

Time : 1121pm.
Spent too much time here already.
Gotta go. :)

"Live on strongly and keep hoping because life's beautiful if you choose it simple."
(My own quote.)

P.s: (Missed you.)

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Dated : 20092006
(Day 30)

Time : 1021pm

I have spending time downloading songs again but recently i got the feel for korean songs.
Maybe it's the way they sing it.
At times it just feel, sweet and soothing if you really sit down, quietly listen to it.
The good thing is when you get to see the show, it's always happy ending and it will make you happy for that while.
The bad thing isyou don't see that in real life and the story always seems to fades away before you realise it.
It's just a make-believe fantasy that i will keep watching, listening and hiding it.
The last i saw was the : Kim Sam Soon.
Wasn't really that sweet kinda but the ending and the way the guy dressed was way too cool, can't take my eyes off.
Enough nonsense. ;p

Went for porridge this morning with sister and fetched my elder sis with the sick kid.
Had a fever this morning and i hafta send them to the nearby clinic.
She looks fine to me but she was really having the fever.( ??? )
Weather was darn hot today and i dislike it.
I think i like the rain better. :)
Got to the office and shortly when i was outside i heard the kid crying, peep in and she was playing kid-fit.
20min when i walked in, she'd medication and fallen asleep. Kids.. :)
Uncle george went back early as he had night-shift yesterday.
With a strange and f***k-up attitude after he's been told off by my elder sister, he went off.
Lately, we have no intention of controlling him and might as well wait for him to quit and go, can't be the least bothered with "a rich poor man with no class and no $ in his pocket".

Darn the internet cos i was trying to add in another port to my computer route but it won't co-operate.
Was strucked and lost all connections, tried my sister and got the another 2 going but can't start mine still.
Realised i had configured the wrong IP ADDRESS into my configuration.
Had to restore my Company to 2 days back and hopefully everything will be okay by tomorrow.
Know why? Cos by the time i'm done, i can go home already. hah, what a dumb day.
Well, i didn't have much time to read up the thai booklet DOC gave me, i think it looks hard.
I know of a wedsite that provides translation in voice but i hafta track back.
Lucky me, i always have ALL URLS stored in a plain notepad whereby i think they will be in need. *wink*
PHEW, i am beginning to spend more time on the computer than my car. hmmm.
Car driving or racing should be more fun but i choose to sit down and use my brains.

Time :1201pm.(WAH, so late already can.)
Had no consultation from DOC cos today's her get-to-cuddle-together-day
(I think i just heard her screaming at me again.)
Just remember she told me she'd to start work on monday and there will be lesser consultations.
I will just hafta say, i'm alright about it.
Nobody takes medication everyday, right? I can cope with myself.
And i will learn to talk more if possible, take my calciums plus iron tablets as scheduled.
(Think i heard her nagging again. heh)
And okay, cut down on (black-heart)cigarettes, can live longer right?
I can repeated after you.
Silly girl told me that if one day she disappeared one day, ask me to find her.
A little silly huh? She explained that she will not disappear for no reason.
And silly me join along.
Silly DOC, everything in life has a solution.
Even if one day you can'y make it and wanna die.
Remember, nobody has the power to push you to death, only yourself.
Console, convince yourself in everyway if there's a need.
Isn't this what you do everytime? :)+braces.

It's late, rolling to bed now.
I wish for better tomorrow, it will definitely be a beautiful day. :)

P.s:(missed you.)

Dated : 20092006
(Day 30)

Time : 0923pm

Give my love (korean version)
Soo ho-sung

Dashin gi uhk ha ji moht hahn da heh do
Nae mahm sohk eh sah rah eet neun nuh
Choo uk sohk eh nuh reul booht jahb go
Ji chuh ga neun nah eh noon mool mahn
Uhn jehn gahn nuhn nae geh dohl ah ohl gguh yah
Dashi nah mahn eh poom euh ro
Oh! i’ll give my love, oh! when i
Hold u tight, nuhl sarang hae ee mahl
Han mah di mahn ee rah do go baek heh yah heh ssuh
Nahn nuhl sarang hae young won hee
Han buhn eh ee byul gwa doo buhn eh mahn nahm sohk eh suh
Suh rod ah reun noon beeht cheuh ro nah reul bah rah bo neun nuh
Mahn ee sarang hae ssuh nee mo deun guhl
Ddo dashi nahn sarang hahl ggeh geuh ah peum ggah ji
Oh! i'll give my love, oh! when i
Hold u tight, dduh nah ji mah nah reul
Han mah di mahn euh ro do booht jahb ah yah heh ssuh
Nahn nuhl sarang hae young won ssuh
Oh! i'll give my love, oh! when i
Hold u tight, nuhl sarang hae ee mahl
Han mah di mahn ee rah do go baek heh yah heh ssuh
Nahn nuhl sarang hae uhn jeh na
Oh! i'll give my love, oh! when i
Hold u tight, nuhl sarang hae ee mahl
Han mah di mahn ee rah do go baek heh yah heh ssuh
Nahn nuhl sarang hae young won hee

Give My Love(English Version)
Soo Ho-sung

When I look in your eyes I can see that you
Want to be with me but you're so scared
And I don't know what to say or do
But the tears keep falling from your eyes
And I know that
Times won't change my love
And I can't do nothing to keep you

Oh, I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight
Give my love through kisses oh so bright
And you know that I can't change my love
Take my love all through the night

As the hours pass away
You think that love ain't here to stay
Feel a beat from your chest
But you don't give doubt a moment's rest
You dream the future and all you see is dark
Listen to your heart, baby, the truth will set sparks

Now I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight
Give my love through kisses oh so bright
And you know that I can't change my love
Take my love all through the night

Now I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight
Give my love through kisses oh so bright
And you know that time won't change my love
Take my love all through the night

I'll give my love oh when I hold you tight
Give my love, through kisses oh so bright
And you know that I can't change my love
Take my love all through the night

A nice song from the korean drama - "Save the last dance for me."
You may view and listen the music from the url mtv as below.
Enjoy. :)

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Dated : 19092006

(Day 29)
Time : 1144pm

Just came back from 2 assignments.
The 1st : Had dinner with DOC and passed her the present.
(Pasieh lah, let you waited. ;p)
The 2nd : Rammed on the pedal, fetched my mum, headed to wlds loop to check on my dad. :(

Hmmm, i'd chicken-chop while doc had something spicy. Actually, i din notice it.
We talked a little at the coffeeshop and i was complaining that it was hot! hah.
Saw my writing and asked me to write some chinese, so i wrote my own name.
And she said it was rather okay while i think my writing sucks.
Walked her back to her block and it was quite cooling ther i think.
We wanted to find a place nearby whereby we can sit and talk a little before going back.
Then that sickening idiot called and rap her way.. hah, i mean her usual nonsense.
It's quite funny that she will be heading back home at this time but, god bless her.
I hope she will really change now.
Oh ya, DOC's make-up was rather thick today, i wonder what happened. heh.
And she had this nice-looking big bag, i wonder how much she spent on it. hmmm.
She was saying that her new blue braces was fading colours and she wonder she will die from it. NOW that's funny.
I dun think she was paying attention to what i was really talking about today cos there was quite some calls coming in.
We was talking also abt the trip to pulau ubin and she say she missed it and that not many pple will be delighted to go over such place.
All i can say is, true and not true.
Seriously DOC, i could make the trip myself actually.
We have our own schedule and i didn't wanna trouble you always. *smile*
See? I'm a very understanding patient. ;p

My dad arrived later to the worksite at 10.06pm but the strange thing is he left before me ard 5 mins ago.
Morever that's a benz, he should be there by right. *frown*
That idiotic Mr goh chin min was just leaving when i got there.
The job is still on as i saw bits and pieces on the ground and the other pple was having supper around.
And darn it cos he has spotted me, i bet he was calling my dad to alert him.
My mum on other hand was hiding, scare that they will see us.
Just after i have made a u-turn and heading back, dad appeared but i dun think he saw me cos he was reversing.
I quickly rammed and turn my way outta there! PHEW!
Mum was muttering to herself why my dad came so late so i left her to her creativity. ;p

Came back near 11pm took a bath.
Ya, mum just bought a set of I-ROBOT to do vacuuming around the hse cos she can't stand that stupid dog and it's stupid FURS.
We did a demo in the office and i was pretty amazed of it's abilities.
It can SENSE well, avoid obstacles like stairs, once it detect DIRT, it will go round and round, etc.
Best of all, it can go back HOME to recharge itself when time's up. If you switch it on and work, it will just go on and on, charge itself then work again. Cool right?
But i feel that this is a kinda machine that's for lazy pple who didn't like to do housechores. heh.
Not that mum is lazy but there was much to work after work and she will hafta sleep after everything's completed. *sigh*
I wish her life's will be better in time to come.
I aim to get her a electrical massage chair for her when i save enough cos that what she liked most. :)

Life at work is up and down.
Sometimes it's relaxed while sometimes temperture in there isn't.
We still have pay our uncles in installments and i feel up-tight.
Cos in order to do that, i will have to make sure that our machines works everyday, keep that money rolling in. Get what i'm saying?
We had the bad times before so i know that if the market had finished their requirements, everythings will starts to slow down.
I'd that fear inside, everyday is nothing but a challenge of winning and losing and i, can't afford to lose.
I had happy times too but at times i think it's fading away too fast.
End of the day on my bed, i have my radio playing, just to entertain me.
You maybe thinking, probably get get someone to talk to?
I am way too strained now.
I have no intentions to bother anyone with my problems and there's nothing much to be discuss or explained about.
Maybe not now.

I realised i was frowning when i met DOC and was smsing my workers.
This morning, the chest pressure came again and something's probably bothering me again.
Now, i felt so much better walking back on my way to the car.
Saw that dog we saw at the void-deck and he looked at me twice.
I frowned at him and he was freaked. hah.
Strolled and looked up the sky, feeling the nice cool air.
Looking at nice-looking cars on my way.
I'm pleased and relaxed. :)
If life is that simple, so be it.
I'm 27 this year and i just realised that.
Kinda late huh?

Got a book from DOC too. (Like a primary school book.)
It's a THAI language course book she had.
Oh, she is learning thai now and she has that knowledge you see.
I had been wanting to learning it as i'm coping with thai workers.
And farther more, in construction line.
It can boosts me alot if there's a need.
I'm not ambitious but i really want to be more useful in this company, really.
Next 10 months, i'm aiming for class 4 licence. (Buck up!)
I need to set myself successful now before anything that comes to me.
Which means.. apart from work, family and (friend), there's nothing else i want more.
My point is clear now as i spent many weeks arranging in what i want in for my current life.
In the midst, i have hurted people and i apologise for that.
Sincerely, i'm sorry.

P.s :
Woke up from this endless sleep.
I felt hurt and i felt that the pain will stays.
A dream is after all a dream.
Close to me, my heart is still beating.
Far away, you were never here to listen to it.
I no longer wish for anything because god won't listen.
I am on my own now and i will still go to ubin.
(I missed you.) :(

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Dated : 18092006

(Day 28)

Time : 0930pm
Just came back after i sent DOC back home.
We went for sushi at yishun with my younger sister.
As far as i counted, DOC didn't eat much, really.
She had to swallow her food everytime so probably that why she gets full that far.(?)
And DOC, next time dun stand beside me la.. i look like a dwarf can.. hah.
Well, I paid for the food and my sister got away as usual.Wasn't too ex BECAUSE stupid girl got discounts loh

Today's mood was down, totally.
Even a normal doctor can't heal, i guess.
All i can say, it hurt me emotionally and i was hiding it away.
I hope i can tuck it under my bed and wish the pain will disappear forever.
(I recalled the previous korean show how the guy over-come his pain of losing his brother and sister-in-law in a fatal accident, his gf disappeared to U.S too.
And to do that he spent time healing his wounds and ate sleeping tablets to forgets.
The day thing he did, he decided to climb a high mountain in korea.
With his wounded leg he managed to reached the top and told himself that, whatever regrets, pain, sorrows, tears should stop from now.)
Whether it's a show or make-believe fairytales, it's worth it to try.
There may not be mountains in spore or nearby, but a trip to pulau ubin should be enough for me.
I remember spending 2 days there the last time, hmm.. been there for 3 times with my friends and i really had a great time.
No stress, no handphone ringing, no contacts, no WORRIES.
Good idea, i will go plan it and end of the day i will repeat after him and let everything be gone. :)
DOC got good eye-sight or good analyse, cos she can see that i'm unhappy.
"Can see no use mah, got medication or not huh...?"

It's rained in the afternoon again.
But, just right after i washed my car and clean up what's inside.
I was in shorts today so i was feeling really cold.
The kids came today and they were actually coming to stay tonight.
My mum didn't want to cos she said LI EN was a monkey, hah.
So, their daddy bought them home in the end.
BAD NEWS, they are coming tomorrow still. WA!

Tml's sunday.
I dun care, i'm just going to take 1 out and leave the another to my sister, heh.
Tml i hafta go hunt for a present.
For dearest DOC coming's birthday, still young la. ONLY 21.
Wonder what should i get as i dun really fancy girl's stuffs, u noe.
But, i will try to get something nice hopefully with the nasty KID tagging along.

Boring shows today, i hope i will get to sleep earlier.
My sister just had a quarrel with her BF and she moved all his things, passing it all back to him now.
Small issue but like a wind.. It's over.
As i watched her packing his stuffs, really don't know what to say.
Know what, she's much tougher than me.
At least she won't shred a tear for nothing.
Love is the best medicine yet the most poisonious item on earth.
Is loving and being together so hard to be?
There are bound to be questions asked and unsolved answers.
Although badly torned-up by now, i will continue my way for a happier day.
For good and bad, i will.

P.s:(I missed you.)

Friday, September 15, 2006

Dated :16092006

(Day 26)
(Day 27)
Time : 0958pm

Couldn't quite remember what's about yesterday..
Well, had work as usual and i rem getting scolding from my dad for a small issue.
Problem with him was i think someone had pissed him off and he just wanted a bite of me loh. ARGH.
Can't express that anger i am having..
Met up with doc around evening and she had chicken cutlet for dinner.
Send her home with the kids around after that.
It rained eariler on so i'd to move slow.
After the she got off, the kids all sat at the back and begin their fun.
So noisy and i'd to keep turning over to watch them.
I sent my sister with the kids home at about 10 plus and after all is done, i was so tired.
Took another bath and took off to my bed.
I begin to feel itchy all over and i suspect the kids must have got up there and played with some uncleaned stuffs.
I didn't sleep well at all and i scratch through the night.

Today:
Woke up early to fetch my elder sister.
We went for morning porridge and it was already raining by then.
By the time i got back to the office, we was preparing to get over to the lawyer's place.
For an old case happened at 2002..
A fatal accident that a sports car that rammed right into the centre of a trailer and the whole vehicle was ruined.
The front part was almost severed into half and the whole vehicle look so bad that you might think the driver would have dead on the spot.
He was damn lucky, he didn't have a scratch but his poor gf was in a totally shocked.
All witnesses there was confirmed that the driver was drunk but the amazing thing was the police didn't care.
As i scanned through the reports, that guy actually wanted to claim near to 30k for his vehicle's damages!
He was in the wrong and when did he has the right to do that?
So the lawyer assured us and told us that a judgement has passed down and we have a 90% of winning.
That was lucky, i thought.
We spend quite some there before leaving for some food, late lunch at DELI.
That place was a little high class, why?
There was many shops selling rolexs, diamonds and EX watches, many of them.
I wasn't interested so i went out for a smoke while she kept her time with her diamond-hunting. heh.
Before we went back, we dropped by trinity church near adam road to pass her friend some stuffs.

Got a call from bryan's grandma that she needed to talk to bryan.
Knowing that bryan won't go, i had to be the middle person to coax her down.
I know it not my responsibilities but the loansharks had already splashed the paints there and who knows what they will do next?
I really hope everything will stop and problems will be solved.
She was really daring cos she yelled back at her grandma when it all started.
I had to shut her up and stop all these nonsense.
My sister standing beside was furious but didn't said anything to add in.
We then decided that after her family has got the $ then we will call them up again, to clean off everything before we pay up.
As for bryan, she had days of scoldings from me.
To me, i know she will never change but i was doing a favour for a poor old lady who hasn't slept for days.
Even vivian has given her last warning to bryan that if she still do not wake up, dun contact her anymore.
We passed life everyday and for me, i realised the importance of a family.
Even if i will hafta be alone for life, i know they will never forsake me.
For bryan, every good pple around has already given up hope on her.
This will be the last time i am going to help her.
I'm awfully tired and stressed, i don't wan to see all these again and again.
That's all i'm asking.

Time now: 1110pm
Dad and mum having quarrels again.
I wish not to hear they bickering but i dun have a choice.
Stop all these.
I really dun know what i can do to help my mother.
I dun know what can i do to stop my dad from hurting her. =_(

I had rashes all over my back and arms now.
Not sensitive, i think it's the medication's works.
It's ether too strong or not suitable.
I am going to stop it for tonight, can't take it.
Change my bedsheets just in case it was caused by the kids.
Was quite a work cos i'd 2 pillows, 1 bolster and the sheets.

Darn it cos my handphone went flat an hour ago and i didn't realised it only just now.
I left it to charge now while tpying all these.
i think i'd 2 messages and i am gonna apologise to whoever it is. (sorry.)

I turned to look at my dog who's so energetic now and playing with a red towel for my com.
He's now making noise becos my sister just went out to meet her ex poly's friend.
I'm not really hungry but i'm craving for food, asked to get me some later when she can.
All i could do now is , scratch and scratch..
I hope the rashes don't spread farther, sickening can.
Going to lie on my bed now and take a peaceful rest now.
Once again, i pray for better tomorrow. :)

P.s: Weather's cold today in spore.
I sound badly today i guess, but i'm gonna be okay.
Remember, studies's the 1st.
You should spend more time on books than being down like me.
Life's isn't always easy, i am sure you will eventually fare better than the past.
Never compare yourself with others, you oughta win over urself first.
Lastly, I missed you..

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Dated: 13092006
(Day 24)
(Day 25)

Time now : 0825pm
Yesterday:
Yesterday was quite a rush day for me.
Sat in the office for less than a few hours, took jobs for tomorrow and rush out tagging along with the mobile crane.
We are actually heading for the PSA port.
Darn it cos i forgot to take my pass for entry so in the end i had to stay outside and wait for my cousin(Kelvin.)
I happen to pass by NUS that day and almost swing my head at it when i sees it.
Cos DOC didn't take my $ but wants me to return it to her when i go to her school. (Such a meanie.)

Well, kelvin was funny, spent almost the whole day with us while entertaining his clients on the mobile.
We joked about the assoles in his Company and especially our EX manager.
He was smart cos he knows how to deal with my dad and make his happy.
Somemore he has all driving licence from A - Z can.(Should see him getting so proud of it and he's only like 24?)
Well, good and bad for him.
Bad means he has to suffer working in such a big Com and get all the blames and work til late.
Good means, actually he didn't really hafta work cos he got big sum on his head in the future.
(The young man with a royal daddy, haha)
I'm glad our r/s terms are quite good still just that i didn't really like his dad. =p
His younger sister quited her job recently and his dad promised to buy her a whole building for her new start. (OMG!)
Now then i know he's so stinky rich can.
With that amount of $ you know what i can do??
No wonder dun wanna loan, somemore so stingy-pig.
My grandfather had this nick by pples he knows : MR ANG KAH MEOW(STINGY)
Haha, now i understand why. =p

Today:
I had a late breakfast and i saw my ex gf's dad there too.
As usual he's as disgusting - look as ever, when will he change that lusty-look he has?
My sister spent long mins complaining about it and i hate it.
Mum didn't follow dad cos he's gotta work today, sge tag me. (heh)
Complained as usual that i like speeding, also kena the knocks on my head.
Work today was slow but just enough for today and tomorrow.
No fun cos i didn't drive out today except for late lunch at 3pm.

After i came back and looked..
I was half pissed and half horrified at the HUGE pile of bird dropping the my car's side door.
Stupid bird must have that HUGE ASSOLE to lay something like that!
And it's so bloody stinky!
ARGH, it not really my day cos i hafta wash and scrap it off until i'm satisfied. :(
Well, big man george wanted to have a loan but didn't dare to approach my sister for it.
So, we just UNTIL he has the guts to walk in loh. ;p
We are doing business here leh, you think what ANG charity association huh?

The worst part of the day..
I had a call from bryan's grandma and she told me that bryan had actually loan $ from some loansharks.
I called her and she didn't picked up, how inrresponsible.
They were threatening an old granny that they will burn down the door if she dun pay up.
Why dun she just put her mum's add or someone else?
Why must she do that?
She's just helpless and is this the way you are supposed to do to an old lady?
What a bitch, inhuman bastard.
She reply me in the evening saying that the loan and interests was about around 1.5k and she was totally heck abt the pestering at her granny's place.
I told her that everything has a way out and i was disappointed with this shit she did.
She only said sorry and she decided that we could be not be friends anymore becos she wants to be independent.
What craps, why dun she just admit she's hopeless and good for nothing?

With that, i have decided that by asking her relatives to pay for her shit is absolutely not a way too.
If there once, there will be twice..
I will not advice them to pay for her but let them hound her whenever she is and report all to the police.
I was even suspecting herself creating or asking her friends to fake as the debtors and it could be possible.
Why not let it go on and i believe they will have a way to catch her.
Let her suffer a little and let them bash this good-for-nothing for good.
ARGH!
Might as well leave her like that.
Even if she wants to stay away from me, i can't help it.
Stay away if you want, jerk-head.
Helpless towards the situation and a friend who never wants to turn a new leaf.
How many times am i supposed to cover for her and worry for her?
I'm really very tired.

My dog has been nasty yesterday.
He would let my mum nor me touch him or he will snap.
I couldn't understand until today.
My brother has beaten him up because he nearly snapped at him and my dog never like him.
I had already told him not to provoke him so many times and he still do it.
Today i sms him to stop it or i will ask police to get him.(hmmp.)
Just now, my sister bathed him and patted him.
I think he feeling better now and i am glad.

What a SICKENING day.

P.S: Hope you had a better day than i do. Really tiring, whether it life or work. Wonder how's yours?
If it's plain or simple, let it be. At least be happier than i do.(I missed you.)

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Dated : 10092006
(Day 23)
Time : 1003pm

I remember spending the whole night coughing, woke up couple of times too.
Really bad from the past.
It rained in the early morning after i fell asleep finally.
It's was so cold that i'd to wrap myself like a ball.
I woke up at about 12pm in the noon, got a couple of sms fron DOC.
Today's her 1st day of day at sentosa.
She replied she was sort of unhappy there but i wasn't really sure why she was.
Maybe a whole new enviroment? New set of friends? Or was it the rainy day that cause the whole place too?

It rained on and off almost the whole day for today.
I went for late breakfast with my mum and we had coffee together. :)
I went off to meet up with my sister, brother-in-law and the kids.
They were all with that happy mood when we met up.
We sped off after they bought their swimming suits.
As usual my brother-in-law was speeding off and playing his same old tricks with me loh.
What a idiot.(hmmp.)
I dun understand why he must take that route because it takes about more than 30min to reach sentosa.
Anyway, once we reach the carpark.. can hear the kids screaming wit joy and i'm happy too.
We walked to the nearest food-court and settled down with our lunch.
We stopped nearby under shelter and it suddenly rained again!
Luckily we were at the right place we sat while waiting for the rain.
I never knew sitting there watching the seaview with the big rain-pour will be so beautiful too.
Too bad, i was alone watching it, anyway it was probably i felt that but not the others.

While waiting, water from the back came towards us and all of us starts covering and blocking the side preventing it.
Then as the water get heavier, everyone from the sideway gets along, doing it altogether.(hah)
You guys should see that sight.
I wasn't prepared to get myself wet but that situation left me half soaking wet.
I was imagining my mum nagging in my thoughts. (heh.)
After we set up the small barriers at the side, the kids settled down to build their own castles(?)
Throwing sand all over me loh, idiot.
After around 15 min or so, the rain did stop and slowly the pple there went off to the beach again.
The kids with my sisters, brother-in-law and sister's bf went off to play water.
I wasn't recovering, so i stayed behind to build a castle, a big one for the kids. :)
It's took me about one hour or so to steady it.. hah.
It took them about few hours later to finish their fun but the kids were reluclant to go back.
(Kena 3 knocks on the head from me..)

Went to the shower toliet and some went for shower but i didn't.
I made a quick change and went out for a fag.(hah.)
Everyone was out waiting except for STEF(younger sister.)
The 1st to enter, the last to come out. I wonder how the hell she can endure the cold shower for so long.
The pray shower was not only cold but, BIG impact can.. (hah)
After that we all stroll towards the 7-11 nearby and bought some drinks and headed for the carpark.
I feel chilled and i guess i'm still not feeling well.
Turned the air-con down cos i keep coughing, thought of winding down the windows but the exhaust smoke outta there can kill me 1st.

We headed to the same place the other time we came.. For porridge, frog legs. heh.
All of them had porridge except for me, i had fish-head noodle cos i missed that taste.
They had ice-apple tea and i had coke.
The kids and i played around. YAM SAY.. We played the beer drinking contest.
Kena 1 knock from my sister, haha.
I think the food was piping-hot that made me so sweaty but it was really nice.
DOC came over once she knock off to pass me the calcium tablets, iron tablets and wonderful finger-licking muffins she made.
What a DOCTOR, bet you can't use money to hire such doctor, haha.
No la, actually i pest her to save some for me cos she was doing it for her girlfriend, must share share mah.
Cannot be so selfish, hor doc?
Very good..
Put it in a cup, wrap it up, somemore inside got those extra used wrappers.
Dunno give who eat, then on the way throw inside right?
Kidding la. At least got 2 to eat i can hide at a corner and laugh there already..
Frankly speaking, she looks a little tired from the way i see.
She said she gotta rush a sch project tonight again.
WA, worked from 1pm to 8pm then come back home do project, i admire that endurance.
If for me, i will be falling sick constantly loh.
How can we be so different since we have the same sickness?(raising my right eyebrow..)
Must be those food she gobbled down everyday and she said fruits are necessary. Must try it someday and see if it really works.

I didn't do binding today but heck, small means small. ;p
Told DOC not to laugh at me when she see me in that way.(Bite ur head off if you do.)
Well, after we had our fill, we left seperately and darn it, cos i missed the exit to CTE again.
Neverless, i proceed to the other exit towards the highway and it was rather cramped.
No wonder my sister hated this route.
I slowly moved and there are tons of irresponsible drivers swaying in and out without displaying and i just hate it.
After i past ang mio kio exit, the cars got lesser and i relaxed a little but there were still cars speeding away like nobody's business.
Soon i reached my exit and there was road works around so i slowed down as many time as possible. I don't really like to take the straight way towards home, so i usually turned left to the route near to the country-club.

As soon as i reached home, i was rushing to have my bath because i smell like sand and seaweeds!
My mum was a disappointed because there wasn't any seashells to collect so i promised to get it for her the next time. (Sorry mum.)
My dad was already home and i remember being yelled at him because today's delivery was delayed.
But i couldn't help it as today's a sunday and that pple didn't really wanna work.
That's him la, one day cannot don't yell at pple although we are his daughters.
Anyway, i still forgive and forgets because we are out to have fun but he's working. Can't blame him much too.
I had my shower and sat here still doing my blog.
Had my medication but the cough kept coming leh.
Was it becos of the cold weather? (Dunno.)

Time : 1203pm.
My younger sister really energetic, now still outside watching the KIM SAN SHUN VCD she just bought.
Very good, she watch and i hafta pay loh. (Another nasty lady.)
I got disconnected from my internet a couple of times and i really think the weather has something to do with it.
Although i can't explain but it's really sickening.
Imagine yourself writting all and finally when you are done, you got the DISCONNECTED PAGE and you lost everything!
Actually not all the time la.
I learned to be smarter, i usually have the habit to copy the entire thing before doing publishing it. :) YAY
Hmm..
Tomorrow's another working day and i expected it gonna be time soon that we needed to adjust the new settlement of the COM.
There's still 1 more guy to sack but i am not going to make any decision to sack who.
Salaries hafta be adjusted and work are to be fixed and given.
Although these months is gonna tough but we are going to try harder, to get this over.
Wake up, we have enough fun already, ladies.
It's time we have some reality moving through, we will pull through all these. :)

I am tired but i am a little brighten up with the company of family and a good friend.
Days passed too slow, i think.
Maybe i'm waiting for something and it might be longer than i expected.
When you don't wait for nothing, time moved like water flows, maybe.
It's time i logged off, i'm pretty tired. :)happy day.

P.S: I hope you had a great day(Sun) like i do.
Although you wasn't here with me having the fun, the kids replaced my unhappiness.
I had fun speeding on the road but don't be like me, i do it outta fun but i know what i doing.
Today spore's cold and wet but i hope the weather there will be just fine for you.(Esspecially ur back.)
I'm beginning to recover although the cough still persists and medication makes me weak.
I will take care of myself and i have a good friend who will bite my head off if i don't.
Lastly, i missed you lotsa.