Thursday, August 31, 2006
Dated : 31082006(Day15)
Time : 0846pm
Today's is the end of the 10 years nightmare..
And the start of another, yet small version nightmare.
The difference is still a big gap of amount.
I am waiting to see a better day tomorrow.
Much relaxed and strainless day.
You know the kinda feeling whereby you are strucked in a dark hole and waiting to see daylight again?
I see that bit of sun ray and panicking to see more of it.
At least when you have hope clinging on, you are going to get out of it soon.
P.H.E.W.
Today, during my conversation with DOC, there are discussion about love.
I asked her to define it and she just said, there's actually no definition.
I agreed to that.
Even if you could define it, there's good and bad.
There's sweet and bitter.
There's happiness and tears.
Since it's so complicated, why define it?
Simple as it is.
You love someone, you love.
You don't love someone, you don't.
I'm alittle weird.
Betrayal or not, i'm still here.
It;s like when you have lotsa pictures on hand, those good and bad ones.
And you decided to only cut out the bad ones.
Keeping the good ones close to you.
That's me.
HEADACHE.
A very bad one stayed with me for the whole day.
I was, FRUSRATED, angry and going half-mad becos of that.
Looking at the panadols my sister just passed me, i think i will take it before i slep.
I just had my gastric syrup and i didn't wanna mix them up.(he)
TIRED.
Recently i'm just like that.
Felt that i have lost my life.
Seeking for a new meaning in my path.
I'm desperate trying to walk but i see no direction still.
That's how i felt all these while.
Funny how life is.
Time : 0943pm
MEMORIES.
Suddenly everything flashed back.
Something i have never explained.
Something i have been bagging.
Something that nothing can cover up.
Something i have been hiding.
Something that made me ran away than to face it.
It's was already a mistake from the start.
No amount of words could cover everything.
IRREPONSIBLE ME.
Years after years, i still see her, still hear her.
I did wanna explain but i can't.
Don't blame me if i don't look at you when i talk.
I didn't know how to face you.
I didn't know how fortunate i was, that you will still be a friend.
I would rather you will never forgive me.
Thinking back, i cannot blame anyone for my mistake.
Like i say, as long as everyone is happy now.
There's no need for explaination.
I know you wish to know.
One day.
I will tell you when there is need.
I'm contented in what i'm now and i'm content in what you have now.
Be happy, please be happy.
P.s: Don't worry for me, i will be fine.(I missed you.)
(Day 16)Rainy day.
THE MORNING CUMS AFTERNOON MOOD:
What a cold cold day to suit my entire mood for now.
Been putting on my big jacket just to get warm.
I have been sitting here for a half a day.
Half thinking of the next big ste of the company.
The other half is just blank.
I know what i have been thinking and i find it taking too much of my time.
Why is it so different, i asked.
Then i stopped.
Didn't want myself to figure out for a question or answers anymore.
Let all happenings or unsolved matters stop.
It's been a long time since i've sacked my last staffs.
Today i'm gong to be an assole to do that again to 2 fellow workers and there are more to go.
Seriously, i never felt good about it but i have no other choice.
I know this day will surely come and i was rather prepared for it.
I spent some time before my bedtime brooding over it.
Headache(s) is what i got the whole morning.
It's becoming the usual thing daily for me.
Best of all, i think it's killing my cells because i have doubly more white hairs nowadays.
Wish someone can pull it all or me.(He)
Everyone here looks so troubled, not to mention myself.
Everyday when i strain to open these heavy eyes, i hope it will be a different feeings.
Too bad, everyday's the same, nothing changes.
I feel my sort of situation, i find it hard to express even to myself.
I think i will take out a book to read today.
I think i will shut out the lights early tonight.
I feel better in the dark somehow.
At least there will not be noises affecting me.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Dated : 30082006(Day 15)
Time : 0956pm
I spent the whole morning and afternoon driving out, rushing from point A to point B then to the final point to slot in all all the cheque we could possibly get.
On the other hand, my sister and dad went over my uncles's company for that special talk again.
We expect it's going to be tough, stressful.
I couldn't sleep the whole night, could almost feel my head bursting away.
Switched on thenradio and stared at the ceiling.
With so much things in mind and heart, i should be at least crying out.
I didn't..
Didn't know where to start from at all.
On the radio there are song after song, love songs.
Mainly oldies from when i starts loving them when in teens.
So, i used my unbalanced time to sing them on eby one, until i fell asleep.
I guess i was tired.
I made myself not to smoke so much yesterday on my bed.
It's disturbed me because i needed that as a companion.
Anyway, i came back with my mum at about 3plus in the noon and sat facing at my computer staring at my wallpaper.
I found myself breathless for the whole day, like my chest having a big stone on it.
It's wasn't the 1st time, doctor can't cure me.
It's the mind's problem, he said.
He requested me to quit my work twice in my face and i just smiled.
All he could help is to prescribe some relaxation medication for me to sleep better.(he, what have i done to myself?)
As i watch the clock and waited for time to pass..
It's was already dark and raining heavily by the time my sister came back to the office.
All she did initially was to pass out a huge looking cheque.
I then put all down the huge stone..
But, the conditions was a little hard for us in future.
It wasn't any loan from them, it's the funds from my grandfather's company and we have a deadline.
I knew it.
They wouldn't let him die but it's going to be a strong strain on us, not him.
I truly understand what my sister had been through.
All the stress and humiliations. ARGH.
Time : 1151pm
Sorry i went away.
DOC dropped by at yishun and she seems so HEATED.(he.)
So, i changed and went to nearby MRT station, met her, bought her a cup of barley and decided that will cool her down before she can start her stories.
She was kinda sacked by her company today and it was actually agreed on self-resignation until sept.
They gave an excuses that her productivity was low and therefore was asked to leave today.
She was confused and boiling up as everything to her was a rush and a pack of lie, i think.
Anyway, i kinda told her about what i felt as the boss and herself.
For my thinkings, a boss can never stand a employee leaving because they aren't happy in their company so, they have negative stuffs to say about you. Morever you are a part-time staffs only.
For yourself, i agree in your thinkings to leave an unhappy place if there isn't any point.
Nope of the parties have a real fault, i am to say.
I mean, i should by right cheer up my friend at this point of time seriously, but you want my opinions and you have it.
In time to come, you will face greater challenges, this is only a small backset, trust me.
In every part of your steps in life, walk slowly and think carefully where to walk.
Where you decide to walk, face the consequence, find a solution if there's a pubble ahead.
Maybe my advises isn't so so, perfect but these are my past steps.
I need you to know and face it if it's coming.
My friend, everyone's always thinking of everyway to have a good, easy and better life, not only yourself.
I admire your thinkings for the poor and strays but, each person has a limited abilities.
You ought to bring yourself to a suitable level before accomplishing your dreams.
I believe that you will be able to do it but you needed more time and experiences.
Everyone will have their 1st bad experience, feel it and ask yourself what went wrong.
Remember what i said about, "There must be something that have caused a fire"?
Find the cause and you will get an answer.
As a friend now, i like to say.
Take a bath, write down all the frustrations in your blog, shut it off and tuck yourself to bed.
Tomorrow you will feel better, consider the fact that you are that "happy-go-lucky" person.. I think you can. :)
Remember what you always say to me?
"Tomorrow will be better because you had all the bad stuffs today already".
Or take my another advise..
Free tomorrow, drop by a game-shop and hit the hell out.
I promise, that's a better way to release all your &%#%^$.(ha.)
By the way, i wish you all the best for the tomorrow interview, smile more to boss, no need to boot-lick.
Little girl, you have more to learn.
Next few months you are going to be 21, going adult, so you should what i mean.(he.)
Sorry i wasn't prepared to meet you up just now, i know what you are going to say as usual.
Ya, i didn't change much. I wasn't prepared to change.
But, i glad you have change alot during these years and more confident looking too.
I guess we had the hell of the day today.
Although your's couldn't be compared to mine, i hope you will be able to get it over soon.
What a day, bad, cold and rainy day.
I didn't realise that it was so cold until i walked under the rain at noon and the late evening.
It was wrong to do that, i understand i will get sick doing that.
I guess i really need that at that point.
Hoping that it will wash away everything little things.
Time : 1230am
Tiredness everywhere.
My body.
My mind.
My heart.
My nose bled today and i hate it.
I'm off.
I hope i can shut my brains like my computer.
P.s: I hope you are coping well there.(I miss you so much.) =_(
Ge Qian
jiu wei fang qing de tian kong
yi jiu liu zhe ni de xiao rong
ku guo
que wu fa yan mai qian jiu
feng zheng zai yin tian ge qian
xiang nian hai zai deng dai jiu yuan
wo la zhe xian
fu xi ni gei de wen rou
pu shai zai yi pang de ji mo
xiao wo gei bu qi cheng nuo
zen me hui zen me hui
ni jing yuan liang le wo
wo zhi neng yong yuan du zhe dui bai
du zhe wo gei ni de shang hai
wo yuan liang bu liao wo
jiu qing ni dang zuo wo yi bu zai
wo zheng kai shuang yan
kan zhe kong bai
wang ji ni dui wo de qi dai
du wan le yi lai
wo hen kuai jiu li kai
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Dated : 29082006(Day 14)
Time : 1903hrs
I came here again because i am so heavy-hearted that i needed to pour out.
I just came back home not long along and had a bath.
Got a last min job inside P.S.A port and there's a need for the forms.
The incapable one called and gave lotsa nonsenses and acting if he's the boss already.
Didn't wanna break the thing or to flare up, i hang up before him.
I dun understand that he's was sitting there doing nothing using my computer for hrs and only to do something real at the end will have so much complaints.
I didn't wanna do nothing so i rushed back even after my dinner to settle everything.
Look. I can't help it if you didn't know where's all the paper's stuffs or why the hell you didn't wanna learn using a simple printer.
For all i know, you are just lazy, so shout and curse at pple if you aren't capable.
Everything has a start, even with the lowest education i had, i learned by myself how to really use a computer.
How to write formated letters to cilents.
How to speak and comminicate with other bosses or superiors.
I may not be experienced in your sort of line but, i'm sure i could do something or to learn from the start.
I needed time to learn and to go well with it and i won't give up because this is something i gotta have.
Unlike you who only knows to push all blames, why don't you learn to be more mature and tactful?
Just because you are my somebody don't means anything.
If i can reason back with my dad for something i think it's right, i could do it to you.
I am respecting my older sister that i keep holding back.
I may not be in the company for long as you did.
But, the duration that i have been through.
You have not offered any single help in my line at all.
For a work that a MAN should be in, you turned your head away just like Mr. george hedron.
2 big men(JERKS)letting down this company at the start.
Where were you when we need a man's help in the middle of the night? Sleeping?
We are still working, know that?
When did i really see you working as hard as we did? NO.
Everyone know you have a lousy smelly mouth.
Dosen't means we hafta listen to ur craps.
Don't tell me that you do not hold the same intention as that Ex. manager of our's..
I wish to believe that you are not but i can't.
All of you are the same, you stayed here for no other reason but that.
Come on, my sister maybe a little naive but we aren't stupid.
You are already holding a salary twice mine and you still want a raise?
You have a company 's sponsored vehicle and it's not good enough?
Even your cellphone is sponsored!
Tell me, what's enough and what is not?
Why do i have to face all these?
Nothing but childish assoles who really think they are number one.
I would really wanna see when your tail dropping out and be revealed as the jackass.
If everything can be settled and if everything can pick up in years.
Don't blame me for being ruthless.
In fact, don't blame anyone BUT yourself.
You have nothing to prove but only my dad's name.
You did everyone respect you and you are an ultimate expert?
By then we will see.
This is a society of survivors, you don't work hard you are out.
Haven't you learned enough from our uncles?
Heartless and ruthless?
None of them are real, all fake.
We are already in huge amount of unbalances stress and we are not in any mood to quarrel or start a fight.
Where there still chances, we dive.
Where's there still work, we grab.
It's not a time to do childplay.
We have workers to feed, we have to carry on and on.
If there work on sunday, we will still work.
Please get these in your KONG's brain and absorb.
You know what, sometime i really wonder when you will thinking adult although you're hitting like 30?
The way you treated your kids is a total madness and when we asked them why daddy hit them, they said they have no idea?
What sort of father will educate their children like that?
I have been hating my own dad for what he has been doing and i hate it when i sees that.
If you have an low IQ, please.. let us educate them instead.
We wouldn't want them to think like an idiot when they hit teens.
Or if you prefer your children to treat you like how we treat my father, fine..
Stop thinking that all tom-boys will die and stay forever useless.
This world is changing and please open your eyes and see clearly.
It's the guys who dying out soon.
Look, if you think you are so, so fantastic.. PROVE IT.
To me, your doings are so cowardly and sissy.
You make me sick.
What has become of this world?
Soon enough i can imagine yourself wearing skirt instead of pants.
Don't tell me reasons, i need solid visible work from you.
Yes, i ain't nobody, not your boss.
But, i'm gonna do better than you.
We will wait and see..
(Day 14)
Time : 0348pm
Wealth could be a deadly thing, silent and swift killer..
Only 03 more days to the deadline and the 'ang' brothers are saying "no" to a loan?
Considering the fact that they are millionaires and they just "no"?
Considering the fact that they are blood brothers and they said "no"?
They are the ones who gave us the deadline.
They are the ones who taught u how to deal with it.
They are the ones who gave us high hopes.
They are his brothers.
Something which is only peanuts to them, not even a 0.5% of what they owns and they are backing out now?
How realistic, how fake, how ironic..
You guys should go ahead and die now.
And burn in hell for not leaving us in lurch.
Now in their office, my elder sister had become the victim for no reason.
Was reprimanded and questioned for the everything. And they have been asking these Q's again and again.
She flared up at them and was scolded by my dad.
I totally understood what she's feeling right now because we felt betrayed and cheated.
My dad should be the one getting all these and he ain't responding.
My sister has to sit there and face all the humiliations.
This is a sick game.
Makes me hate him more only.
Makes me hate this big family doubly more.
My sister mentioned :"Money makes the world go round."
And i hate these words.
I hate the fact that i'm existing in such a shitty world facing these shitty ass relatives.
I think i'm going nuts soon.
Madness.
Anger.
I'm breaking down..
Expect the greatest respects from me next round, uncles.
May you recieve as much pain and sufferings as our's.
You are the sickest freaks i have seen in my entire life.
The thoughts to finalize everything after this month...
Why has it been so difficult?
Why has it been such a joke?
The rain just came and it's so cold.
Cold as my heart..
Nothing seems to work out for us.
Nothing seems to work out for me.
What a heartless world.
What a heartless family.
(Day 13)
I found myself the whole morning in a low mood. No much strength to face the world today.
Not even to write my blog.
When i finalize myself o open up the create page, i have the whole head blank pages.
Nothing and restless.
People around me told me that i need time, maybe more time this round to get up, get stronger.
I don't it myself because there are so much things in mind that i found no words to describe.
Well, I guess i think too much and i stressed out too easly nowadays.
But who could have understood the intake of stress and distraughts that have been inflicted?
If my words have too much hidden meanings, let it be.
I met up with shane yesterday.
She had finished her operation and i found her mother supportive of it.
No, i don't envy her of that.
Because I could never be like that and the consequences are heavy.
We belongs differently.
We think differently.
Is there really a such need to be eternity happy?
Is that what you really want and positive that ur partner will never leave you?
Is that what is what meant to be?
I told her my true point, i wish that everything will work out well for her, i wish her all the best.
Really, truly my blessings. I really want things to work out and i wanna be happy for her.
Anyway, we spent most of the time talking about the OP, but i wasn't the lest thinking or listening through it.
I'm sorry i did this but, i can't absorb all these in my mind.
Well, i went home at about 11pm and i was searching for a way out of there because it's far too confusing for me. Called DOCTOR after she done her blog and she was actually sparing me that pathetic 15mins to voice what i have.(he.)How much are you charging for 5mins then?(he..)
Oh ya, let's not forgetting her 500bucks facial products.(500 FACE.)
She had mention a friend of her whom she known for 10years and she'd a sudden change of attitude towards her and don't know what's wrong.
Factors again :
If it wasn't for something you did. It's more to like she didn't like the way you lived.
You are always happy-go-lucky and you dun seems to show stress towards life.
I figure that her blog was cause of it. Although to me, it looks more like a creative ADs and I like it.
But seriously speaking, not eveyone think the way i do.
Maybe she don't really talk about the times she was down.
Maybe she don't want her blog to contain sadness and madness.
What she thinks is good, not all people can see it but until the end of a period, you will get the picture.
Reason why i said that is, she has shown me that and i glad she stood by me still today.
If you are reading this i hope you don't mind what i say or written here.
This afterall my blog.
What happened in the past was silly and i admit i was naive.
I will not explain too much because what done is done and the knot can never be released in me.
There's no need to talk more.
I spent too much time hiding away from you because i was ashamed, until this very day.
I appreciate what you have for me as a good friend every now and then, i will not forget that.
No amount of words and apology can make me a better person.
Don't get yourself involved in my current plight, you should have better friends to share your life and story.
Did anyone told you that you have the abilities to console pple well even when your ANG MO is so CIM.(ha)//
And i didn't remember(DARN), she did. We have been friends for like 6 years. (???)
She had a long day so we talked awhile and guess what, i fell asleep immediately after hanging up.
My body wasn't giving way, it's my brains.
Guess it's so tired after a long day spinning ard and ard, like a fruit-punch machine.
(HA)I'm closing here for this day entry.
P.S:
I know you got my card. That's all i need to know.
Please delete away the others, it's more then i can take it.
Certain things cannot be washed away like hands and soap.
Yes, you can but i can't.
Since you already have your life back, don't bother about me.
Move on, start over.
I'm not faithful, I'm just testing my patience.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Dated : 27082006(Day 13)
Sunday: (he..)
I woke up early as usual, washup and changed , got to my car and nearly fell asleep in the car.(he..) Headed over to choa chu kang to fetch my sister & the kids. As usual too when they see me, they screamed and jump all over the car..(GOSH..)What a greatful morning..
The morning drive was okay but i hate it when there's lot of unwanted pple parking their vehicles at our carpark and i get none in the end. I have a church beside my building and they are always, always jamming full here.
For me, although manual car do not pose any problem to me now but if you have watched the tokoyo drift, you really wish you will have a chance to feel that. I know i can't be doing over-limit so, i practice to start from gear 1 & gear 4, timing myself how long i take to finish these steps and how many km/s i can reach. Don't get me wrong, not racing, just practising on the intial steps. I like it most when the other car thought i wanna race and they zoom past me, so i look around and slow down leaving them playing with their own.(he..fun)
As this is a used and badly strained car, the suspensions is not so good. I have lotsa problems with it, but i getting quite used to it. Of course everyone would dream of a new car, with bombastic sound system, outstanding shiny rims and at least a likable horsepower you can cope with. For me, i will not request any of it, because from this 10 years experience that i see from from my dad ways, ways we struggled to pay off installments, ways we had to eat porridge and he had a great time, plus we are helpless against it.
Now that we better off don't mean we have the right to access to the capital, not like the past. If the car is getting old and they wanted to change another, let it be. If i will have no vehicle and have to take train, i will. I won't want my parents to be paying for my needs and they have to be totally responsible for it. That's what lot of kids' doing and you know what, they are complaining right now because it's totally off their imagination that everything of the car drains them out.
Regret and you wanna sell? You will at least hafta paid off 20k to 30k depending on the kinda of ride, means chopping your both hands off.(he.)i'm not trying to talk mean, but if i were you, i wouldn't even try for a 3k per month salary like that. Well, just changed my tire and it cost me at least $200 for one and my dad's takes about $400 for one. See the difference?I had a couple of rounds driving his car 3 or 4 dys after i got my licence and the horsepower? FANASTIC!
If my friends were to feel ashamed because of that, i can't help it then.(ha) People like bryan who can never understand how pathetic our life can get to, jeering at me at the corner. She even make jokes outta it infront of vivian and i don't care.
You know what? You can laugh all you want because everyone feels that the good-for-nothing ain't me. You gumble about me because i always sit higher than you even at work. You can boost about your unknown rich relatives but hey, you ain't them. Best part is i have a lousy car and you got none, at least i work for it and i get what i should.
Yes, i am not too familiar with all route as much as you but i needed to learn just like others.
Please, i'm not saying that you are smart because you know the way so don't bring it too high. I'm just small in size, i don't need a big body, small ass and brain to be smarter, so huge factor don't makes sense to me, none. I'm what i'm because i tried very hard. With what you did and always do, you have made yourself homeless, nameless and jobless with my forsake advises.
Somehow i feel that my advises and consequences towards you'd always came true, isn't it. And i'm going to stop predicting your life because it's a waste of my time and energy.
Yesterday she woke me up early in the morning and i totally ignore it because i needed time-out. After 3 missed call, she sms me: "call me back, it's urgent."
And so i dial back.
Bryan: "I have something to say but i don't know where to start."
Chris:*silent*..
Bryan: "Chantel and ah girl got problem yesterday and she is moving out. Chantel boyfriend has already rented a place but not so soon." "My god-brother promised to let her stay but he didn't leave any money for mr today so.."
Chris: "Has it got anything to do with me?"
Bryan: "No lah, just checking if you are going anywhere today and.."
Chris: "No, i'm not driving at all, I'm meeting my friends in town." " And by the way, i will not wanna see anyone of this group of friends again, one of them got a loan from me and have yet return as she promised."
"Wouldn't it be good that the loan money is with you now..?"
Bryan: "Okay la, not so shiok la."
Chris: " I'm need to go now, something's on."(Hang up..)
I was totally pissed with that call, totally fucked up with her fuckingshit.
I'm not your driver and i need to pay for my petrol. I'm not too good with your friends and why must i do that? If you can promise others that you will help, by all means borrow from loansharks and have the money to help them, i don't care.
Factors: you are even too pathetic to help yourself lest to help others, who do you think you are?
You are using me to help these pple and proclaim yourself as a hero?(ha)
Don't ask me why i still hang out with her, maybe i need somebody at some point of time.
After mel and mine r/s and i tried hanging out with her.. I can't believe the kinda life she still hanging by her throat, i can't live like that for a min.
She practically live her life without cash and expecting pple to pay everytime. NO life, NO direction.
Her friends, once when we entered RAV at boatquay. That night wasn't a freebie s they can't enter because i can only sign in vivian and herself..The rest of them went somewhere else, wherever it's free. A combination with screw and nut, good luck.
Fact about yesterday mood, i have no intention to meet anyone up. (doc, i don't mean it that way.)
I just want a walk with my naive little princess who actually know more or less about me. Tagged me in the train, hugged my legs and beg me to hug her.(haha)
Daring me to play catching everywhere, bugging me to play kids's play, i joined in. And i used every single way i learn to talk and made her learn what she needed. She followed as accordingly and that pleased me because i feel that she has the most potential. Actually, i never like baby-sit but i have share my sister's burden and morever they are fun if you know how to handle them. I maybe stern but i'm pretty patient. Vivian had her hat off me yesterday when she handed me a whole lot of badly tangled tags, ard i guess a 40pcs or so. Took me for about 30mins to quietly free them all before i realised it was already 9am.(he)
I met up jo for th 1st time after many years. The last time was with x.chris. Things happens and gone away.(I hope.) She pop up suddenly and startled princess a little and cheated her with a pack of cookies.(ha) And darn, cos she took it without asking me if i know this young lady infront of me. Anyway, it's was a short met-up because she has gotta work and we had about less than 10mins so-call conversation.
She look better than before, that's all i gotta say. She said i look shy, but i think i'm not, who's right?(*ha.)
Pests i encountered yesterday. 2 young ladies who came up at the same time with us stayed close.
I wasn't going too near anywhere but she drifted nearer and i hated it.
Looked at me and watched me typed my messages, ain't that a pest?
Luckily princess was there or expect the meaniest things from chris, ang.(he)
Very well, those are the frustrations and words from myself.
Take it or don't.(ha)
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Dated : 26082006 (Day 12)
I didn't write anything here in the noon when i was online.
Had a call from jo that she had got into the 2nd interview, halfway through she haung up on and vanished. Drop her a message to congrats but didn't really ask more. Maybe she's spending time with gf to celebrate it or something.
Although i feel that she was still in a kinda rush for something she wants but, if giving up her studies will still make her happy, she might go ahead. Maybe we really belongs differently which is why i feel that i always gurad against my responsibilties towards my everything. To her likewise, everything seems so light and happy. Was it really the way we make our life goes? I mean, jo no offence but, you should know well about what i'm all these while. It's a big decision for you nd no matter what no one can change your mind, we only hope that you will be happy in whatever you decides. That's what friends are for?
About about the 3 questions that i have asked about being with her gf for long term, fact is an intelligent girl like her shouldn't be asking herself that sort of questions.
But 1 day if she will to give herself an answer, it will probably be a no. Ask me why but i won't answer that, not because i have no faith in my friend, not that. Anyway, for her case who can't judge between good and bad is common, so don't worry because silly pple always have fortune. :)
About me, i came in the office expecting a hot weather between my elder sis and b-in-law.. And they didn't talk as expected.. My sister's pulling that long face infront of me and i didn't wanna interfere.
Fact about life, wife and husband or lovers can't work together.. They bring home everything and friction is caused. The kids will be the only innocent party, get scoldings, beatings and lots more. Which is why i didn't wanna interfere. Dear uncle george got himself a butter-up for breakfast from my dad in the morning and he was really really innocent. But, blame him for not checking with my dad eariler. I can't interfere nor to order around because we(in office) have our concern which are things that they(outside)never wanna know. It's a waste of time telling them also, i find it strange because that isn't the way i worked before, i have to now consider the fact that he's my sister husband and it's difficult because he keeps finding troubles for me. Well, like i say.. I will still try by best to get whatever licences if i have the need to. Not to really get upgrade, because they are saying that i can't and in that way they are using this to threaten my sister or the company wellfare.
Although yes my dad cannot be a perfect boss, but who don't make mistakes and why are you so angry with him? We should be the ones, but we have already forgiven him and who are you to penalise him? He's the rich man child not you. He's a brat, not you. If your intention was to take over this company, no worries because lot of people will object to it. If my dad can't do a good job, you can't as well, be frank.
We went back at about 330pm this afternoon, i went for a haircut and my sister went for a black dye. The weather was too hot for my hair length but i didn't realise the lady had cut the tail off, the part i like about. Well, i guess i will have to leave it for the next time to tell her properly one more time what i really want.
After dinner, i set up the computer for my write-in before i sent them back.
On my way back it was raining slightly and i put on the cd i wanted and the last song was from F.I.R. So, real and true that i can't control myself but cried driving.
Though i can't remember how many time i did that, but the pain was still there.
During a sharp turn, the 2 alien toys roll off and dropped, i was swaying left and right because i thought they had dropped outside. I settled myself down and checked again, it was at the carpet luckily.(phew..)
I didn't stop the car because there was road works infront so i muttered under my breath, "Don't worry, I'll pick you up no matter what, i promise."
Sound familiar to me but i didn't wanna think for long.
Today, i remember to put my new toy in the car hanging just infront of me. Was like asking brother on sending a small toy over to aus and he ask me to ask for a small box and it won't cost much. So, probably monday morning, i will drop by the post office and ask them about it. Holding the other toy, i silently put all my emotionals and best wishes inside it, bless me that she will get it.
I was thinking if i should write a letter for her without any question, just wishes and regards. I don't know, what if she never reply? What if things aren't the way i thought to be? So many things holding me back. Maybe i shouldn't expect so much, because she has already made it clear to me, maybe not.
Look, i'm not saying that there's a need for us to get back together and i don't see a point to force pple do be with me. It's just sometimes when you ge t to see your les friends being so happily together, you feel the pinch and the bliss, overall you will be happy for them, get what i'm saying?
Of course i don't want myself to be sitting here always and hoping that she can change for me, because i don't see a need for it. We will make it as, she's blessed and i'm cursed, that's it. My mindset never change, I love you and you can choose not to, simple.
If you wanna dump me, despite me, it's your luck.
I'm a just a boring butch but i'm simple and i love simple.
My elder sister asked me again today about melissa.
I imagine myself vomitted blood on the dinner table again,(ha)
Again she asked: "She never contacted you?"
Chris : "Nope?"
Sister: "Why like that?" "Change so fast meh?" "Then is it because she got a new one there?"
Chris: "Don't know, don't ask so much."
Sister: You and her how long already?"
Chris:(My heart said: "It never stopped.")"One year and six month."
Sister: "huh.. So long together then suddenly like that.." " Waste of time..(hai)"
I stared at her and she smile and continue eating.
Her concern is not wrong but maybe i feel differently and that's makes me always in pain. "Take it easy, chris", i never fail to remind myself every single day.
I'm still doing my count-down. I know very well that she can't see it nor hear it. Maybe i didn't wanna act like a pitful shit in her eyes when she sees it. There's after all no need for it.
There are still many things i would wanna do for my silly girl but i guess i could now only do
it silently. Bryan has totally given up on me now but i feel peaceful in that way. I dun interfere your life and you leave mine out.
Unlike vivian, she respected and understood why the need for me to do silly things because we are both silly.(ha)
I think i will drop by her workplace if i'm done at my grandma's, i missed her and by right she might be leaving soon. So, i feel the need to visit more when she's still there.
Told vivian most of my stuffs and i hope she's not getting bored with my stories.(ha) But, i listened to her too as well and hoping to bring darren and her together IF darren's really good.
Busybody right? I enjoyed being a match-maker and i loved seeing pple happy.
I was thinking if i were to get this as a 2nd job, my life will be balanced..(haha) Just kidding.
I don't hafta worry about mine, i'm an unusual freak. I don't click with pple that well and i always get annoyed when there girls ard. Bryan gave up on me because i always screwed up her intro-dates and she's pissed with me. I know she's being nice but, sorry my friend. I'm sorry.
Was checking in my cpf today for updates and i realised i can go for the teeth implants with that money. Needed to check with the doctor next week because i missed the previous one.
Although i have to go through lot of pain but, i really wanted that.
Tomorrow's sunday. :(
I wish i can roar my lungs out.(ha, nuts.)
I wanna watch t.v til i fall asleep like yesterday, i think that was like almost 0300am? Luckily i put on the timer and i slept through the night, BEST.
Time : 1118pm
It slightly cooler tonight, best night for me to cuddle my bloster and slaughter like a mad-man.(kidding.)
At least my dog will sleep better because he has been panting for days and i bet he will sleep like a LOG.
Same thing again, i wish for you like you'd prayed to your lord for me in the past before you sleep.
May he give you everything you need, blesses you like he blessed me.
Wherever you could be, your everything had never left me.
Although time has passed, i have never stop loving you.
Maybe i will never get to hear your voice, see your face in future.
My heart has never intend to stop beating.
Although i can't promise you nothing, time will be a test for me.
I stay silent because i'm afraid to hurt you.
I stay silent because i want you to keep moving on.
I stay silent because your heart is never with me.
I stay silent because I don't wanna miss you so much.
I stay silent because forcing you will not make me happier.
I'm miserable everyday because i made it this way.
I'm sorry everything had become, ended this way.
(If loving someone is so painful and tired, please let me be the only one to undertake everything.)
"Pat me on my shoulders and let me sleep blissfully once more." =_(
Friday, August 25, 2006
Dated : 25082006(Day 10)
(Day 11)
I didn't come up here yesterday cos i was in malaysia the whole day with my cousins, sisters and brother-in-law.
They went in for photo-shots and i took the chance to roam around for relaxation. Well, i never liked this place. The service sucks hell to the core and people here look at you at the way when you speak proper english to them. I don't mean to say that we are different but what really hate about is when they actually didn't care about whether you existed the 1st place. We had our lunch cums breakfast at a cafe, i have kebab chicken with rice set and i couldn't finish it because it's so awful. The only thing i like is cheese cake only and gosh.. they don't wanna even serve any ice-water.. After that, we just took off to shop while there are so much time. I got myself a T-shirt & a belt i always wanted but can't find loh. I paid about 35RM for mine and my brother-in-law at about 109RM for 2 jeans.
My younger sister had bought a watch for about 65RM, we spent the rest on food, carpark fees and some local food. We had spent half a day walking the whole building and the rest of the time is just at studio fooling around and i slept for about an hour at the couch alone.(ha.)
We waited for like til 9.30pm when eveything is so, so done.. finally kiss gd-bye to that place, what the hell.
We moved all the way to the ground floor, walked out of that sickening building and headed nearby stalls for our dinner. Along the way, there were people, some holding VCDs, unknown cigarettes, waving and stopping us to buy it. I wasn't too scared, my younger one was almost freaked-out when there was one guy who near touched her or something. She managed to run away.(ha)
We went to what i call the streets-stalls there, there was lot of food but only the BBQ chicken wings are the best. My cousin bought us the BIG-BOOBS BUNs(haha) what a name, thre's chicken and pork inside, not really nice too. I'm quite a fussy eater so you know, those are really my type too. For the drinks, we all had coconuts.. not nice also , somemore NOT cold can..hai.. If i know ar, i will go to a better place for dinner. But, anyway, it was rather late already so we gobble up what we have on hand and walked back to the building carpark. And it turn out to WE LOST OUR WAY to the car, we went to B1, then B2(it was in B2), then again B3.. I told them many times that the colour marking was in green and written J7 but my brother-in-law didn't listen. Fine, we walked and walked.. my cousins running to and fro looking around also.(haha, you shld look at the sight of my panicking cousins..)
Finally, finally.. we did found it loh, by then we are nearly half-dead.
Okay, we got to the car, dash out quickly to the malaysia customs, waited again for the checking then proceed to the next stop. My stupid brother-in-law thouught that the spore polices didn't wanna check our car but stopped when we screamed at him, i was halk panicking because i just remember i left some gums in my sister's bag..(oh no.) They totally serached my car and i was pissed because it was my car and i was angry because my brother-in-law was the cause of it.
Anyway, they le us off and he jammed the pedal like he wants to die faster. We were heading back to my office t get our cars, I thought i saw the guard staring at us, whatever.. HECK OFF. I was the 1st to zoom off the 1st thing leaving home, i was going to send 1 cousin to sembawang(The place i used to lived.)
However, i slowed down at mandai because there are risk of police stops there and i didn't wanna lose it.(he.)
When we reached, i saw my 2 aunties still up and said hellos. Patted 2 puppies doggies of my younger cousin, one named "tiger".(ROAR!)
The fact was, i was rushing home for the 10 o'clock korean show that was romantic and funny. I needed something to take my head off many stuffs and i realised that when sat and sun without my shows, i will be so,so moody. It's like having so much time on hand and you have no idea what to say or to do. And it's not about having a friend beside you will do good. Maybe i'm really so problematic. I have a friend today who asked me out for dinner but, until now i'm thinking to go or not, the mood isn't there. And i didn't wanna displease her, what was i thinking? I don't know seriously.
My favourite goldfish, big-head rachu died yesterday night when i came back and i was so sad. I laid on my bed after my bath and brood over it. Asked my brother to help me bury it because i didn't wanna cry seeing it go. It was the longest term gf i have kept all the while and the only best i have loved. Died and gone.
Maybe it's just a fish to you guys but, to me it's different. I'm even afraid to buy another fish, afraid that i can't take the pressure of losing more.
My loved ones left me one by one, you know how it feels?
(I will stop here for yesterday's update, be back again for today's update.)
Time : 1024pm.
Came home at about 9plus. Washed my car for the evening at about 8plus. Something went on today and i think my sister's going to have a big quarrel with my brother-in-law tonight.. Sometime i wish everyone will just co-operate with their own work and things will just be fine. I mean although this is the way i'm living now but, i hope to see things getting better as days passed. I'm sick of it.
A few more days until we can finally settle our company's stuffs, i'm glad but worried for the future proceeding. With the kinda reserved funds, it could be tough, could be more retrenchment, which i thought i will never get to see it again. I will continue this update when it comes.
10pm show had started, this show gets me a heartache when you see the guy getting upset. A sad story that started 3 years ago when he met an accident, a week after he stays in the hospital, the long-term girlfriend left him for overseas studies without a message. He wonders what happens and searchs for her at states.
Today's story, he had said:
"Why have you left without a word?"
"Was it because of my broken leg or was it that you had a new lover?" " WHY?"
"I search all over the schools of states but i can't find you."
"Because of you, I ate sleeping pills and i slept for a week." "But where were you?"
That part really crashes me apart and i really think that he deserved a good reason. Almost feeling all his pain and endless thoughts. A rich guy like him shouldn't be living in hell like that, maybe he really deserved a better person. Although, it's hard to say and want things to just happen. I hope the end of this show will make me happier. Of course, this is not a thing for me to get movitated, it's just a show. However, I'm still looking forward to have a dream like that fufilled, even if it's keeps getting me hurt. Yes, i'm sure i will still do it and i can't simply betray my conscience to hurt anybody again. Call me S.I.L.L.Y.
During my dinner-time, i saw this toy machine selling a kinda cute toy. My sister got herself one and i decided to get one too, a green one. My 1st thought was to grab it and mail it to her. My sister suggest that i should put one in my car and ask her to put it in her car too. I went quiet, keeping my thoughts. Who knows what will happen when she got it? What happen if she didn't get it? Then all is fated. Knowing that we would not be contacting, there's no way i could know. However, like i says, If she were to get it, she will. If she will to put it beside her, then she will. My concern is for her to have a stable time studying over there now. Whether how things grow, passes or go, may god be my planner.
I have not been talking much to anybody these days, looking at my brother yesterday alone, being quiet for long moment. I was guess if that's a sickness, then maybe that's the usual me. I never like talking much too anyway. I think i talk more here than anyone(ha), but my friend advised me to do that because it's a better way before i go nuts or something. A diary that i can access anywhere i'm, you know.
I didn't go anywhere today as i realised i got to check on my cashflow. Realised that this month i over-spent by going to pubs, on drinks, on friends, on bills, on loans to them and i'm almost broke. I had savings but, i didn't wanna touch it at all. Asked my sister for an advance but she didn't ask me why. But, ya i think she knows how it's takes to be dumped and i needed time-out and cash of course. I'm glad she understand that because i really really didn't expect nor wan things in that way. No worry, i will be okay by next month.
Tomorrow is a sat and it's also a working day. I'm not starting to complain but, when it's approaching sun, i will get stressed. Stressed about if i shld get my ass out for that bit of sunshine, get totally fresh air, get more friends, whatever. Maybe, i needed more time to keep myself moving on and on, i just dun know what i needed now.
Last words i wanna say :
I'm using my sister's computer and i started her com and again i saw the MSN and i saw her icon, it writes:
*Heaven By Your Side*
"When you're next to me i can see the greatest story love ever told"
I didn't intend all these, to see it too.
I did wonder, what these means or who she's refering to.
It's scary because i didn't want to know that she was refering to someone new to her.
It's scary because you didn't wanna know that the 1 and half years love had just faded and known goodbye.
I'm afraid..
I'm heart-broken at all times because i remember her touch and now or even in november i can't feel her stroking my head again.
Although through MSN is what i get to see what she feel and think.
I'm afraid to even open it up, that's why i stayed away from it.
I know she's left me, i have to accept it.
By staying put will not do any good, maybe i deserve it.
I'm sorry i didn't move on.
But still, you dun have to turn around at all for me, keep moving on and i will be here like i promised.
Remember the song by Nickelback? (I have already forgiven you, I did.)
I do not expect she will find her way here just to read all these.
I know it will only make her sad.
I hope she won't have a chance.
Now that she has another fresh chance to be happy and be able to choose again, no matter what it is, i pray she will get a better choice. Don't think of me anymore, put me away and focus on only studying.
What we been through is part of life, life's is always full of ups and downs.
Experience through it and always look infront for better opportunities.
Grab it and don't lose it again.
By the way, i hope she got my card already.
Whatever she's feeling now, i only hope she will not cry at all.
It's a birthday card and there should be only smile, no tears.
I don't hope she keep it, but at least if she receive it, i will be content.
Just content, that's all. :)
If you can hear me, "i miss you, so, so much." =_(
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Dated : 23082006(Day 8)
(Day 9)
Another day passes through this up-tied life. Realised i didn't have the energy to come up yesterday for updating. Although, it's not a must to come update everyday but still i will try to come, to at least let out my frustrations.
When i look through everything i wrote, i feel that this is an "angry blog", with such a life i have self-created. So, other than writing with all i should, whether anyone will drop by here to feel and sympathize this poor life, i don't care much.
Vivian called yesterday after work, we chatted again. Stuffs on her plans after she and the heartless gf she has. I think she's hesitating to accept another, even darren.(who's now in states.) She had told that they were actually rather close and darren had requested many times that she should leave ah hong, for like 6 months. I advise her that she should actually give herself plently of time to accept darren but don't make her wait too long. End of this month after ah hong move out, she can openly start anew. She has suffered enough already, i hope she can pull through this smoothly.
She asked :" So how, did she call you or messaged you..?"
Chris :"No, i don't think she would."
Vivian : "Maybe she will la, but she probably needs time?"
Chris :" I can't say i understand her well, but i don't think she ever will."
"She's somebody who will only sit there and wait for people but will never indicate any moves." "Ask her, she will tell you that too."
Vivian: "Anything you can know from her friends?"
Chris: "That's a good question." "In a year & half time, i don't know any of them not because i didn't wanna know them but she didn't want me to know them, or be-friend them." "Maybe, she think i'm too old to understand them?"
Vivian : "WHAT?!" "Why like that?" "Think you must be feeling terrible.."
Chris :(Tears roll down at the side.)"I think i done my best protect her as well as to respect, at least i'm not like her exs. That's makes me gd enough."
Vivan: "What's your plans about her?"
Chris: "After much thoughts, I'm not going to HOPE anymore but only wish for a miracle."
"That's the only way to make myself feel better." "I don't think i will make any more moves because i have done too much and i am really tired." "Fact about her personalities is, she will not change for me so i will never hope for it again."
"Don't worry about it, my friend. What i needed now is not a gf anymore, i need friends."
Vivian: "Ya, you are right." "Friends are more important now."
These are part of the conversation we had about her. There was another regarding the last day that i was still in contact with her. About the email cums the reply to and from the butch in australia. I have no intention to put it here and so far i have only explained the contents to vivian about it.
Those words from her if you are sensible to understand it, you will guarrante her with broken legs if you will to ever see her. But, I decided to let it rest forever.
Foolish to have let her see your weak points, foolish to have even request from someone you don't know, F.O.O.L.I.S.H.
She wants to see the contents, so i told her that i will print it out and probably meeting her this week.
I slept at about 2am yesterday, realising this was the 1st night i slept so early.
Today, i woke up late and i'd so many morning calls from everywhere. Keep forgetting to switch on the bluetooth when driving. Forgot to top up petrol. I came in the office with a tired mind but there's work to be done still. Kept looking at the calendar, sort of counting-down.
Another 3 months before she's coming back, but i do not know when. It's better not to know, i think.
I kept a copy of her timetable in my wallet and everytime i look at it, i will wonder what's she doing.
I still keep the 2 small toys(aliens) she gave it to me in the car before she left, something to accompany me when she's not there. I doubt she has ever noticed that. (ha.) That's okay to me.
I named them one's (silly) another's (billy), what silly names..
Today, my msn icon suddenly popped up when i have actually hidden it in my system, away from my sight days before. I have already stopped going in anymore as she might be there and i'm a problem-child.
Today, a hot day but a beautiful day.
I shouldn't be feeling moody all the times.
I shouldn't be sitting silently here having thoughts.
I shouldn't be ignoring all my messages.
I shouldn't be having the pain at my chest.
I looked at the poster at wall of mine, it wrote:
Life can be unfair at times
When you must mantain faith and never let go.
It's especially during the difficult times
That you must live your life to it's fullest potential.
Those are the times to triumph
Over circumstances
With hope and courage
Life's isn't always easy
But if you keep going and persevere
To the very best of yur ability
You will gain strength to manage
The new challenges ahead.
Each goal that you reach
is another important step forward.
Believe that there are
bright and wonderful days ahead for you
And you will find them.
Facts about life which is so so true but to fulfil it isn't easy.
I'm glad some people in my life have made it.
They should be the living examples i should learn from.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Dated : 21082006(Day 7)
Time now is 0903pm. I just got home not long ago.
Had dinner with my family members at Choa Chu Kang, all eating chicken rice.(ha)
I think my elder sister looks a little distracted, but i didn't really wanna ask much. My younger sister was thinking of a vacation on a cuise this month or so, asked me if i wanna go. I shook my head.
There isn't much holidays this month and i didn't wanna leave the business unattended at this point of time. Wish to get it going first before thinking of that. I was assuming that my elder sister and mum didn't wanna go too. I told my sister that a trip to other countries might be a better choice than on the sea. She said my mum wouldn't let her, so i can't say much too.
Today i was feeling lousy. I spend the whole morning complaining abt that fat ass regarding yesterday. 1st & for all, she was in car nagging about why i didn't understand spore's route and hello, i have gotta my licence for like less than 2 months. 2nd was, she was talking in her own subjects and bragging about she knows alot then got me involved and told everybody that i was slow in knowing stuffs. Ya, at least i'm working seriously and do not take my time to waste it on understanding stuffs like i don't need to know. You may ask her about where to get the best food, she can easily take you to a good place in no time. Next was she started her usual habit to say that i'm the oldest begin to describe me as an 80yr old lady. Bones aching and soon have to lay bed-ridden. I don't understand why she like it so much to throw unwanted remarks at me infront of others. I mean, you point a finger at me but, you are actually pointing the rest to yourself. She could never understand what i have been through and yet there's are only words for herself.
She didn't pay for nothing yesterday and my sister was nagging at it. I ordered curry rice, she wanted half. I order frog-porridge and she wanted it too, somemore 2 bowls. I was already not feeling gd and she continued, it was then when i flared up then she stopped her nonsense.
I was reminding my sister next time to shut her up, because i know my temper too well.
Again someone wants to PISS me off today by reporting that i didn't do my work well to remind him that he's supposed to work for today at seletar airbase. My elder sister calmed me down by telling me that she will deal with him. Because clearly to others in the office, everyone had told him that the job will continue for monday and he practically forgot. And when the customer called me in the morning i will thinking what was happening. So, i call to verify and he was in office yard container watching T.V!
I twisted tougue that i couldn't get through my guy when the air-base guy called and finally got it settled but wasted a few hours earnings.
I was again reminding my sister that his kinda acts will disrupt our system and everyone will not feel good about it. 5 years ago he was like that. He quited this company when he thought it'd going to collapse, leaving me to clear and rebuild what he thought was good enough. I spend 4 and half years to establish all and you are back to teach me what to do and not to? I'm not being arrogant or so to this dear friend of mine. But he left me years of pain and tears that i swore i will never forget. But, i will still be thankful for the painful experience he has given to me, for what i am now.
Thank you, uncle george.
This afternoon i stood by the smoking area and i missed her. Didn't carried my phone with me because i didn't wanna see those hurtful words. I got a bruise on my lip and i assume it's the increase of smoking. I have to stop all these before my next medical checkup, never want know get any cancer at this age still. I do hope that i will stop my nonsense soon, cos i didn't know it will get so bad until the bruise. Again i felt the pressure at the chest but i assume that was from the swim at sunset bay on sunday. My only wish to sleep peacefully every night.
Time : 1049pm.
Didn't understand why i spend such a long time waiting tonight entry but, i had a least took 6 to 7 sticks of cigarettes during it. Am so tired right now but, don't know if i can sleep tight afterwards.
I bought porridge for supper, am going to finish it before my bedtime. I have not been recieving any bedtime stories so i hope this supper will do me good.
Just discovered that the bookstore at the void deck near my place had closed down. "Hey, doc." They close down not that i'm lazy hor." but, i will try to get a decent book for myself when i have the time.(ha)
I'm tired, totally exhausted now.
Please pray for me like you always do.
"i missed you."
(Day 7)
My Afternoon :
I slept at about 0200am yesterday night after t.v show. Think vivian wants to chit-chat or something but i told her i'm watching t.v and might wanna sleep early. Asked her where ah hong's, and she said she will be coming home late. Pity her at times that she has to live up with a person like ah hong.
Did talk her round to push ah hong to move out soon, cos as it drags, she will only continue in misery. They had been quarrelling lately, about why she refused to moved over yishun with her. I told her to be firm this time round, take ur life in control now..
She messaged me this morning to check on me again. I told her i'm just fine, and hope she was of the same. I advised her to quit this sour job as it cannot bring her anywhere. Maybe grab a job in a office or something else that brings her higher salary. She only say to wait until getting bonus, like that also can ar..
As in future she will be living alone, she needs enough $ to pull through too. I heard that the one that she like currently, named darren is now in States, will only be back in November. I didn't really ask her about it cos i do not know how they are actually processing. But, in time when darren's back, i will get vivian to do an intro.
Today, i told her i will loan her some money to ride over the balancing days because today she is crunching apples just to fill up. (hai.)
I remembered I'd this kinda days without money to live at my younger time. Although i starved and had zero in my pockets, it was those days that made me realised, who's friends and who's foes.
People who forcefully order their food and ask you to foot the bills when you just got your salary.
People who forcefully misused your handphone while you paid for the soaring bills.
People who told bosses that you are uncapable so that they will take the higher position.
People who ate good food inside the bar and you had sausage in bread & plently of mustard.
People who came to you only when they had a breakup with their GFS, shake you completely off when they have new arrivals.
It's my luck to have these people known as my friends.
Although we have our own lifes's separately and at times we do meet up, i wll not forget those deeds you planted on me. If i'm a vicious person by heart, i will make sure you will never wanna see me again, i'm thankful that i'm not.
I feel that writing all these might ease my kinda stressful life. It do in fact, but when i read through, there are so many bad stuffs than the good ones. I'm such a person filled with anger, unhappiness and so much. I'm complaining about life all the times, but can't seems to look for a better way to ease it or to make myself happier. I didn't know judge my life now, but i'm always looking forward for my friends make comments and advises.
I promise, i won't flare up. ;p
Time: 0207pm.
(I am going for lunch now. i will be back again.)
(Day 7)
Updates of sentosa outings.
Well, here am i today again to upload some of the pictures taken yesterday, take a look.
The start of the day was the dog with my mum;
He doesn't seems to like taking picture for the day.
That's me and my elder sister, tammy.
Another one.
Mum & Elder Sister.
We had lunch and desserts at sentosa before starting-out.
Enjoying her dessert.
Stef and ah feng.
Gorilla outrage.(he.)
Settling down for lunch part 2.(ha.)
That's me.
This crab was caught by stef's BF near the rocks. It's now in my tank.
On the way home, i took this down.
So mean, bullying the statue.
Oh god, I'm not involved.
Statue's remarks.Actually, what a silly trip.